Friendship for Girls: Teaching Healthy Habits to Our DaughtersChikamu

Build Each Other Up

“She’s not always nice to me,” Isla told her dad one evening after dinner. “Sometimes she even teases me in front of others, and it kind of hurts my feelings.”

Isla’s dad nodded in understanding. “Do you know why George and I are such good friends?” he asked her.

Isla shook her head no. “Because he doesn’t tease me about being bald, and I don’t tease him about being short. That’s what good friends do. They build each other up; they don’t tear one another down.” Her dad went on to explain that he and George had a shared understanding that they would never make fun of one another, and they would always be respectful of one another.

“Sometimes even adults use humor in a way that puts someone else down instead of building them up. I’ve decided I don’t want to be that kind of friend,” he said. “You know, maybe you want to talk to this friend about her comments. Maybe she doesn’t realize what she’s doing and that it’s hurting your feelings. Maybe then she’ll stop.” Isla agreed to take her dad’s advice and try talking to her friend. 

Friendship is something we all have to work on. When we create healthy habits early in life, they stay with us as we grow. Looking for friends who build you up rather than put you or others down—and being that kind of friend to others—is a valuable quality in friendship.

The Bible gives us the same advice Isla’s dad did when it says that rather than abusing our friends or mocking them, we should speak good and helpful words that encourage others. That is the very definition of what makes a good friend. Let’s work to build one another up, not tear each other down.

Parent Conversation Starter

Share with your daughter about a good friend you have, and what makes them a good friend to you. Tell specifically how you build one another up instead of tearing one another down. Together, brainstorm ideas for building up your friends, and choose one positive way to encourage a friend in the next 24 hours. Share with one another what you did. 

Things to Think About

Have you had an experience with a friend who teased you? What happened?

Do you have a good friend who encourages you? How have they built you up?

Daily Act of Friendship

Be specific when you encourage a friend today.

Say things like, “You did a great job at . . .” or “I really appreciate that you . . .”