The Marriage Talks Part 1 | UnityChikamu

Day 5 | Ephesians 5:21-33 | Submission & Sacrifice

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Hello friends and welcome back to the Marriage Talks on Through the Word. We finish out part 1 today, but first a quick review. We started where marriage starts - at the altar. And we recognized that marriage needs redemption, just as we need redemption. Then we went back to Genesis to learn what marriage is. It is a covenant of unity. Then basic ingredients: humility, role models, and today ingredient number 3. 

We’re back in Ephesians 5 again as we look closer at God’s design for husband and wife. 

The Lord is a phenomenal designer. He is the Author and Creator of life and love. He is the giver of every good and perfect gift. And He planned and designed marriage before the fall.

Think about that one. Marriage is the only human institution that predates sin. Marriage was there when everything was good. Now sin has certainly affected marriage, and all that trouble that Paul says comes with marriage - well that’s bound to happen when two sinners hitch their wagons together. Yet God has a plan for that too because He is not only Creator, but also Redeemer. And the role model for marriage is the redemption story - Jesus redeems the church. 

God’s design for marriage was both good from the beginning and redeems and makes whole what’s been broken. So today we look at God’s design for the roles of husband and wife. How do the two live and work as one? 

And that brings us to marriage ingredient #3: submission and sacrifice.

Okay, so it’s two ingredients. But they work together - as one. Like a good marriage. Our passage begins at Ephesians 5:21.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).

This verse is the opening to the whole passage. And it’s a call for every Christian - men and women - to submit to one another because you respect Jesus. Now first let me clarify from the outset: submission is not subjugation. Very different. Subjugation is forced submission, and it is absolutely un-Christian. Men and women, if you are in Christ, God did not call you to be a slave, but rather to be sons and daughters of the King. His will for you, declared in verse after verse, is freedom. It is dignity, honor, and respect. And yet, voluntary submission to others is a crucial part of that life of freedom.

For a Christian, every human relationship requires some level of submitting to others - of compromise, giving in, putting the other first, or letting them take the lead. Just like humility, submission is a necessary ingredient for unity. 

But take note: submission should not be enforced, but offered. Submission here is a dignified act of free will taken by a child of the King - an act of respect between equals. Submission is an expression of humility, honor, and love. 

And watch carefully here. In Christian marriage, both husband and wife are called to give something up - to let go for the sake of the other. But what they give up is a little different on each side. 

That sacrifice is essential. In verse 31, Paul reminds us of God’s design for marriage: 

“And the two become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31).

A married couple is one. One united body. And in that one body, verse 23 tells us that the husband is the head. That’s key. But don’t misread it. Head does not mean overlord. Head and body are not master and slave. They are one person. They’re not in competition. There’s no "me better than you” and the head doesn’t boss the body around for personal gain. The head cares for the body. They work as one. And they communicate, protect, sacrifice and care for each other, for the good of the whole. They are one.

And when husband and wife are truly one, they give us a picture of Jesus and the church. Jesus is the head, the church is His body. And so, verse 22 says:

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

Now this submission is a sacrifice. It means allowing your husband to lead. It means laying down your God-given ability and right to lead and direct your own life, and follow his lead. The word “as” here means as part of. Submit to your husband as part of your submission to Christ.

But notice a couple things that it does not say. It doesn’t say “Husband make your wife submit.” That is neither love nor humility, and it is not the way Jesus treats us. It doesn’t say that men are smarter than women, or better leaders, or more valuable. It also does not say, “All women, submit to all men.” Nor does it say “all men are head over all women.” This passage is for Christian marriage - that’s it. Not society, nor politics, nor the workplace. Nothing here says that a woman cannot be CEO or president. All of that thinking comes again from a worldly view applied to a godly design.  

Verse 24: 

“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:24).

So submitting to a husband should be like submitting to Christ. Like I said yesterday, following Jesus means doing some pretty amazing things. To follow Jesus is to do work that matters, to live with purpose, talents, and calling. But it is still submission.

Now the reason that submitting to Jesus is such an awesome experience is that Jesus is a fantastic leader. He is a selfless leader. Jesus leads us by putting us first. He serves us. Washes dirty feet, has compassion when we’re hurting, helps us, encourages us, equips us to do amazing things, sacrifices all of his good for the sake of our good. And that is exactly the way that a husband is called to treat his wife. Verse 25:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25).

Jesus sacrificed everything for us. Husband, do the same. That is how you show love.

If you read Ephesians 5 and think that wives don’t get a fair shake, or if anyone tells you it’s sexist, look closer. Let’s summarize. Wives, submit by yielding way - let him lead. Husbands, love by dying - lead her by sacrificing you.

And don’t underestimate that sacrifice. “Just as Christ gave himself up for the church.” Men, take a good look at Jesus. That’s your role model. Laying your life down is more than just being willing to take a bullet. This is about your whole life. Husbands, put her first. Lay down your life. All your selfish ambition, your self-centered desire and greed, let it die. You live for her first. Watch how Jesus treats His church, and do likewise. 

This is our redemption story. Jesus laid down his life - so that we could have new life. Forgiven. Redeemed. Restored. And that redemption story applies to your marriage too. In fact, it’s the model for marriage. We were all broken. Dead in our sins. But Jesus submitted to the father, and sacrificed himself. That saved us. Now it’s our turn.  

And as the husband sacrifices and the wife submits, there is restoration to God’s original design. And the two can live as one.

And that does it for part one of the Marriage Talks. I hope you were encouraged. Now there’s lots more to say on marriage. Part 2 dives into two essentials: love and respect. And Part 3 is about covenant. Later we’ll talk about the fun stuff, and the difficult stuff too.

And if you like this series, I want to invite you to check out all of our Bible studies. Through the Word has audio guides for every chapter in the Bible in our Explained series. From Genesis Explained to Revelation Explained. Or take on one of our 19 Journeys through the whole Bible. You can find many of them here on this app, or get all of them free on the Through the Word app at www.throughtheword.org. And we have lots more Bible Basics Explained like Anxiety, Faith, Forgiveness, and soon The Manhood Talks. 

But first be sure to read Ephesians 5. And we have two more discussion questions for you. For the first one, I want you to write your answers first, then compare. 

For Thought & Discussion:

Question 1: What do you think the Bible means - by “wife submit,” and what does it mean - by husband “lay down your life”?

Question 2: How do the husband’s sacrifice and wife’s submission work together to bring unity? 

Get practical with this question, and talk about what it looks like in real life. And I’ll see you in part two!

Read Ephesians 5:21-33

All verses are quoted from the NIV unless otherwise noted.

Join us for The Marriage Talks Part 2, and find Audio Guides for the whole Bible at www.throughtheword.org