Set Healthy Boundaries Like JesusChikamu

The Greatest Command

Scripture: Matthew 23:37-39

I learned quickly that there are rules to loving people, such as: Don’t ask for too much or you may be seen as selfish. Don’t make others feel uncomfortable; then they may not want you or invite you places. Say what people need to hear so they don’t feel uncomfortable or challenged. Always say yes so you don’t have to deal with the guilt and shame later.

Love like Jesus loved. I believed that, in order to love like Jesus, I had to die to my wants, needs, and opinions. Only here could others thrive and be their very best. So, in college, I gave, gave, gave…no matter the cost. And, sure enough, I worked myself into a full-blown eating disorder. It seemed right—to kill me was to love them, I figured. I was burnt out, exhausted, and rail-thin, but at least I was loving. 

Meanwhile, I was also starving. I had no idea who I was, but I knew I could make you like me. I had no voice; I just said was what you wanted to hear. Worst of all, half the time I couldn’t think straight; I needed food so badly I was dizzy. What a waste.

I loved God those days, but I certainly did not love myself. Others were worthy. I was as worthless as dirt. Something was missing in the way I was “loving.” It took me many years to fully figure it out.

In the greatest commandment, Jesus commands us to not only love others, but to love them as we love ourselves. 

Over time, I could see: without a capacity to love me, how could I ever love them?

True love, first, knows and receives God’s love. This is key because it is only here that God’s truths can ever become our identity. Without understanding who we are in Christ, we will never come fully alive to who He has created us to be. 

It is impossible to give what love you do not have.

God says we are His children; we are royalty; we are loved; we are worthy.

Wise boundaries start with understanding that we aren’t selfish, burdensome, or wrong to take care of ourselves or to discover who God says we are. To sit with God and to know His love is to know how to authentically love others. 

Do you feel overly-responsible for others’ well-being? How might you have negated your needs or desires to take care of others, at a detriment of being loving toward yourself?