Dream Big with Bob GoffChikamu

Saying yes when you want to say no can become a really harmful habit. And bad habits that deplete you can keep you from your ambitions. Before I was married, I had a really bad habit of leaving my clothes on a chair in my bedroom. Somehow the few extra steps to the closet and reaching for a hanger felt like an excessive amount of work. Eventually, once my entire closet was on this chair, I would work up the nerve to put it all back in its proper place. Then the cycle would start again, because putting stuff on the chair started feeling normal, even though it wasn’t really the right place for my clothes.

Maybe this feels familiar to you, or maybe you have your own “chair” you’ve been piling things in your life on. Most of us have some aspects of our lives that are really weird, but we’ve been doing these things so long they feel normal. But they shouldn’t. It’s normal to crave routine to bring a sense of structure to our days. Ask yourself if your routine is a good one. Is it worth repeating? Does it have too strong a grip on your life, and is it keeping you from advancing on to your newer, more beautiful ambitions?

As you clear the path and offload old routines, make a sincere effort to understand why you’ve been doing what you’ve been doing. When you do this, your life may look and feel a little strange and empty at first. You will probably sense some unease and unfamiliarity. Don’t back off. It’s a good thing. Lean into it. This is exactly the subtle shake-up dreamers like you need. 

You might need to put away some metaphorical clothes to clear a little head space or clear your calendar and find some undistracted time to think. You might need to have an honest conversation with a spouse about a job switch or a shift in finances. You’ll definitely need to say no to a couple of things you’ve been saying yes to—even good things. You’ll also need to disappoint a couple of people who have come to expect a yes from you. This one can be especially tough if people have grown accustomed to your yes or you’re ending your tenure volunteering for something really beautiful so you can begin something even more beautiful.