It's Not Over: Move Past Disappointment & Dream AgainChikamu

Dangerous Prayers

The phone woke me out of a deep sleep. It was early on the morning of September 22, and when I looked at the name on my phone screen, I smiled. My friends, Daniel and Katherine, were expecting the birth of their first baby, and I knew Katherine had gone into labor the night before. I was hoping and expecting to hear good news. But as soon as I heard Daniel’s voice on the other end of the line, I knew something was wrong. Very wrong. “Hi, Pastor,” he said. “Josiah was born, but there are more health issues than we’d been expecting.” I told him I’d head to the hospital right away. Daniel and Katherine had known their son had some health issues. At one point during Katherine’s pregnancy, her doctor informed them that one of Josiah’s kidneys had ruptured, and the medical team wasn’t sure if the non-ruptured kidney was functioning as it should. When I arrived at the hospital, Daniel confirmed the worst: Josiah’s kidney failure was only one of many health problems the doctors discovered after he was born. I didn’t know what to say, so I prayed, I cried, and I did my best to encourage this beautiful family. Josiah endured nine major surgeries in the first year of his life, and he spent more nights in the hospital than he did at home. Today, Josiah is ten years old, and he’s had over thirty surgeries. Despite the many trials he’s faced, Josiah is an awesome kid. He’s super smart and uncommonly witty, and he loves Jesus. Looking at him, you would never know the challenges he faces each day—and you’d never guess that, outside of a miracle, he will face those challenges and more for the rest of his life. 

Recently, Jennifer and I had dinner with Daniel and Katherine. During the meal, we reflected on the last decade of doing life together. I asked Katherine, “What’s been the hardest part of the last ten years?” Katherine’s eyes filled with tears before she answered, “Praying.” Silence fell over the table until, with tears now rolling down her cheeks, she continued: “When I was pregnant with Josiah, I prayed every day that God would heal him, and I believed that He would. When he was born and my miracle prayer hadn’t been answered, I continued to pray. I prayed and prayed and prayed. With everything in me, I prayed and believed that God would heal my baby. Now, ten years later, I still pray, but it’s not the same. I miss the way I used to pray. The boldness. The passion. The belief that God would move on my behalf, that my dream of seeing my son healed would come true.” The weight of that conversation and the rawness of Katherine’s honesty still shakes me to my core. 

For the first time, I realized that our prayers and our dreams are not two separate expressions of who we are. Instead, they are directly connected. When our ability to dream becomes weak, the same happens to our prayer life. And vice versa. I realized that our prayers are often conversations with God about our dreams. Many people believe they have a problem with prayer, and rightfully so. But I think our issues with prayer go deeper—I think they start as a dream problem. Our dream life intersects with our prayer life; they’re connected. As a result, big and bold dreams lead to big and bold prayers, which is fantastic. However, when we feel wounded by unfulfilled dreams, we tend to retreat into a shell where we only allow ourselves safe and comfortable dreams. Which means we settle for safe and comfortable prayers. Think back to a time when you believed your dreams and hopes for tomorrow were just around the corner. Was there more passion in your prayer life? More faith? More boldness? I bet there was. Why? Because our dream life inspires our prayer life. I hope that these words inspire you to pray with renewed passion today and that, as a result of those bold, confident, big prayers, you will see your greatest dreams come true!

Prayer

Help me, Lord, to pray with a passion I have never prayed with before! I ask You to restore any brokenness in my faith, hopes, and boldness from the disappointments or struggles I have faced before and to trust that You, God are completely in control and completely trustworthy. Amen.

Respond

How have you ever felt like God wasn’t answering your prayers or was saying “no” to what you asked for? What did that apparent denial make you feel like?

Be honest with yourself and with God. Have you shrunken the size of your prayers to fit your expectations based on past experiences?

What can you dare to pray boldly for today?