I Still Do By Dave HarveyChikamu

DAY 4

Grace: The Promise of Weakness

In marriage, thorns don’t pierce only one party. Our spouse may get pricked, but both of us bleed. After three pregnancies, Ellen cursed the twenty-five pounds she couldn’t shed. Getting naked and becoming self-forgetful enough to enjoy sex seemed like another life. Ellen’s husband insisted she was still beautiful, still sexy, still desirable. But this just frustrated her more. Ellen prayed for help losing the weight many times, but nothing changed. God seemed to be saying no. 

Our thorns aren’t mass-produced for sale at Walmart. They are highly personalized, encoded with a customized purpose for each of us, even if we don’t know what that purpose is. God may have allowed Ellen’s weight gain to suppress vanity or an idolatry of her appearance. Perhaps God was at work cultivating an inner beauty. Maybe this was about her marriage. Perhaps there were lessons of love God wanted to nurture in Ellen and her husband, teaching them that over time sex should be less about physical attraction and more about being together. Perhaps God was at work to grow her husband into a man who knows how to encourage his wife even when she hates her body.

Paul’s thorn came with no clearly discerned purpose but rather with a promise: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Grace comes to those who redirect their attention from what God denies (an immediately discernible purpose) to what God supplies (a firm promise).

Eventually, Ellen’s gaze shifted, and her husband’s did too. They realized they were living thorn-centered rather than grace-centered lives, and they began to take small steps together. As the weeks passed, Ellen received “sufficient grace” to change the way she viewed herself. The power to change her perspective wasn’t overwhelming, just sufficient. In time, her self-consciousness gave way to a greater awareness of God. She began to see sex as God’s gift in every season, whether bodies are growing larger or smaller. And she learned to be thankful for her marriage and the miracle of three children. She now lives more confident and hopeful because God’s power is working through her weakness.

How might you start seeing the “thorn” in your marriage with a grace-centered perspective? Ask God to show you what He wants you to see.