WarriorChikamu

The Warrior’s Healing

When I was given my mom’s personal Bible after her funeral, I found a highlighter wedged where she was reading last. I opened it and read Jesus’ words in Matthew 10:38 NIV:

“Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.”

After losing my mother at age 16, the process of grieving became a cross to carry, but it wasn’t what I expected.

There was never an outburst of tears, exclamations against God, or other displays of despair I’d come to expect. Instead, I lost feeling toward most of everything. This scared me.

Did I even care? Did I actually love my mom or miss her? What was wrong with me?

I tried to accept that wounds and grief can look different to everyone. But I began to wonder if I was empty of everything, even God. 

It’s a good thing God uses our greatest weaknesses for His greatest strengths. Somehow, in these desperate times, I began to see God’s heart the most.

Year after year of our childhood, mom’s health problems, visits to specialists, and her physical deterioration increased. There were many nights spent in ICU waiting rooms doing homework and praying for something to change. I watched her fight this disease across multiple states, stages of life, and versions of herself. My mom fought with an incredibly Christlike strength—the silent kind on the cross recorded by the Apostle Peter.

Looking back, that silent, plodding strength she displayed helped me to see Christ’s love may not always be loud, but it’s always roaring with courage.

I could write another full day on strength I’ve learned from watching my dad heal. I saw firsthand a father’s desire to provide for us, even while he was hurting. I was reminded of our Heavenly Father. I also learned the strongest men weep, but we don’t have to do it alone. From my dad and my brother I have learned wounds are full of opportunities to see God.  

Wounds are different for everyone, but they aren’t meant to stay wounds. Like a broken bone, God wants you to heal back stronger than before. God stands ready to meet you in your weakest moment with His greatest strength. He is a Warrior, He was wounded for you, and He’s fighting with you.

Pray: God, will You show me any wounds I’ve been hiding? Will You help me to heal and show me that You’re fighting with me? Thank You for being such a loving Father. Amen. 

-Luke, fighting for healing