Where New Life BeginsChikamu

Honesty

Because of sin we all have something in our lives that causes us and others varying degrees of pain. But dealing with these habits and patterns requires honesty.

If you’re a parent, what are the facts concerning your kids? Are they responsible and faith filled or defiant, entitled, and rebellious? How about your finances? Are you saving and giving or falling further behind in debt? And your relationships—are they healthy and growing, or do you burn through one after another and assume everyone else is the problem? What are the facts regarding your diet, health, schedule, and faith? Are they healthy and growing—or sick and dying?

Just as there are reasons for success, there are reasons for failure. If you’ve been married twice and are headed toward a third marriage, there are reasons for that. If your relationships are strained and in conflict, there are reasons. The problem isn’t out there somewhere; it’s in here. You’re the common denominator in every scenario. It’s time to be done with doing the same things and expecting different results.

If you don’t know the truth about what’s causing your pain, you’ll remain stuck in the old life. So where do you start? With honesty and openness. Be reflective about your life. Think about what’s not working or what you wish worked better. Ask yourself, What’s the one thing I wish I could stop, change, or improve? 

Next, find a soft chair, turn everything off, and sit for ten minutes in silence before the God who made you, loves you, and knows everything about you. God wants you to live freely and joyfully, so if you give Him a chance, He’ll nudge you about what’s causing pain in your relationships, family, work, or finances.

The biggest test of honesty (and strength) is to ask others to help you. If you have kids, they’ll be happy to point out your flaws. If you’re married, ask your spouse or a trusted friend what behaviors cause frustration and pain. That requires graduate-level strength and humility.

Or meet with a good counselor. It saddens me to watch so many people repeat the same mistakes that hurt themselves and others simply because they don’t know what’s causing the pain.

I’m actually quite bad at giving and receiving feedback. I don’t like it. So, I procrastinate and often wait until the pain is so bad and the damage so severe that it’s too late to resolve.

But I’m trying. Whenever I sense pain in my body, spirit, or relationships, I try to pay attention to it. I’m trying to find the most competent people, ask for their advice. I look for repetition. When five competent people all say the same thing, then it’s more likely you have the facts. You simply can’t improve and find freedom from the old life until you go on a fact-finding mission about what’s causing pain. Be humble and be honest.