Parenting On Purpose (Part 2)Chikamu

Day 3: Honesty is the Cornerstone of Family Relationships

Jalene: When you trust someone you have confidence in them and you feel safe physically and emotionally. As a child I didn’t feel that trust. I simply wanted a more honest relationship with my own children. If you can’t trust the people closest to you, you’ve got nothing to build from. And when you look through scripture, it becomes clear that God feels the same way. In fact, it’s one of the six things God says He hates (Proverbs 6:16-19). I taught my children from a very early age that the truth was expected, because if your children can’t tell you the truth, then you can’t have a solid relationship. 

When my oldest daughter was in kindergarten, each day they would come home with a card that had on it either a happy face, sad face, or a straight face. She always got a happy face, except for the day she didn’t. Her teacher had already given me a heads up, so when we got home I asked to see her card. She went to her room and came back to tell me she had lost her “happy face”. (She had hidden her sad face). If she had brought me her sad face, it would have been a simple talk about what she did and how she could do better. However, she lied to me, and she knew that lying deserved a much stricter punishment.

Every child will at times be foolish and make bad decisions, but it’s our job to teach them to be honest about those mistakes, and own their actions. Our homes should be a safe place where honesty is valued and expected.

Macy: One time on a family vacation to Florida, my family was in the hotel room playing cards. I was sitting on the counter watching, and I grabbed a card and started absent-mindedly folding it up. For whatever reason when I was done I stuck it in an empty coffee pot next to me. To this day I have no idea why I did that. Anyways, when the time came that my family was looking for the card, my older brother spotted it in the coffee pot and asked me why I had done that. Like Peter, I denied that I had done it (although I denied more than three times). It was so obvious to my family that I was lying about this, but I would not give in. This little card fiasco quickly turned into a family court room. I was on trial and found guilty. And although folding up a card was not a big deal that deserved the full weight of the law, in our family, lying was. I remember my mom calling me aside to talk to me about why I had lied. The worst part was that I didn’t even have a good reason. But really, do we ever? It’s funny how things like this from our childhood stand out in our memory. And the thing that stuck with me most from this night was that everyone was disappointed in me for not being honest, and I hated that feeling. I dug in so deep, and refused to come clean even when offered mercy with truth. This could have seemed to my parents like it was a parenting fail, but the truth is, that night I knew I would try my best from then on to be honest and upfront about the things I had done.

Action Step: Reiterate to your children that honesty is valued and expected in the home, and that it is the crux of family relationships. Talk often about the importance of owning your actions.