How To Have Healthy FriendshipsChikamu

“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15 (NIV)

Forty years of friendship-making have given me a pretty decent grid on healthy expectations for a friendship. I’ve been in toxic friendships, friendships since the third grade (still going!), neighborly friendships, and work friendships. I’ve made major mistakes in friendships and had to rebuild trust again; I’ve let go of friendships because they were unhealthy. 

Some healthy expectations for friendships include being treated with respect, getting to know each other at a comfortable pace for both of you, enjoying one another, and laughing easily. 

Some unhealthy expectations I have encountered are sharing very deep and personal things too quickly, expecting your friend to drop her life to tend to yours no matter what, criticizing, and judging your choices. 

One thing I know: having good boundaries is vital to having good friendships. Boundaries help us know what is ours and what is not. And we can decide when and where we want to open up our fence door and let others in. 

The greatest grace in having healthy expectations is that we can expect God to take care of us as we move toward other human beings. We are sinful and so are our friends. We will hurt one another, and we will need to rebuild trust. We will fail one another, and we will have to apologize. 

But God is perfect, loves perfectly, and will take care of us. He is always there for us at every single moment. Today’s Scripture reminds us that Jesus calls us his friend because he has revealed who the Father is to us. We know God the Father, and we are welcomed into friendship with God. He dropped the comforts of heaven to come to us; he continues to drop everything to be here for us now. We can trust him to be our friend who has our best possible interests in mind. 

“God, show me how to be a healthy friend and how to have healthy friendships. Show me where I need to set good boundaries. Thank you that, no matter what, you are with me and my friends.”