Grieving With Hope After Miscarriage And Loss By Adriel BookerChikamu

Day One

Into the Deep

Scripture: Lamentations 3:19-24

Maybe your grief is fresh and raw and you’re still reeling from the suffocating blow of a recent miscarriage. Or maybe you’ve long ago buried a secret grief but something within is probing you to lean in to the pain once again. I can’t answer the cosmic “why” of your miscarriage, but I can validate and help you understand your pain and grief. I want to link my arm with yours in hope as we look together toward the day when Jesus makes all things new. 

I discovered something in the early days after my first miscarriage, when grief came pounding with incredible force: If I didn’t dive deep, the waves of grief would absolutely pummel me. In surfing, this is called a “duck dive.” The apostle Paul calls it being “hidden with Christ” (Colossians 3:3).

I call it survival. 

As I began to practice my own deep dive after losing our daughter, Scarlett Grace, to miscarriage, and then losing two more babies, I discovered this was actually more than survival. It was an invitation: Would I find Jesus in the deep? 

It’s normal to be filled with questions when experiencing personal trauma. What have I done to deserve this? Is this my fault? Why would God let this happen? Is he punishing me for something? What if God isn’t who I thought he was? How can I go on with life as I once knew it? Will I ever feel normal again? Is God—or his goodness—even real? What if my whole faith is a sham? 

Because the grief of miscarriage often goes unspoken, these types of questions can eat away at the soul and confidence of a woman as she tries to shoulder the burden of them in secret. But I must tell you this: It might seem impossible, but you can do this. You can lose and grieve and hope. The power of grief can, and sometimes will, sweep us off our feet. But we can learn how to breathe under the deep. We may even learn to open our eyes there. We can grieve with hope. We may be brokenhearted or even crushed, but we will not be destroyed. We might even find that, in our weakness, we’re stronger than we think. 

What questions do you have right now about your loss? Consider writing them out.