Healing The Wounds Of Sexual Betrayal By Dr. Sheri KefferChikamu

Day One

You Are Not Crazy

Scripture: Proverbs 23:18

When I first discovered my husband’s sexual betrayal, I wish I’d had someone to help me walk through the devastation I felt. I wish I had looked at what might occur if I didn’t face the pain and shame of it all.

Today you might be experiencing the shock of the first discoveries. Or maybe you've been living in a relationship with long-term deception as I once was. Maybe you’re afraid to know. Please don’t ignore it, for your sake. The problem doesn’t go away on its own. 

The first thing I want to tell you is that you are not crazy. When deception, lies, and manipulation sneak into our relationships, we question who we are because our sense of safety and innocence is shattered. But the craziness is the situation that has been secretly happening around you. My goal is to help you discover the truth about what happened to you and assist you in reclaiming the truth of who you really are.

The most current research shows that women who suddenly discover their spouse’s betrayals may develop the same symptoms of posttraumatic stress as victims of war. If we ignore the true nature of trauma, it becomes a lethal presence that can block true healing from taking place.

It doesn’t matter whether we grew up in a stable, healthy family or a family that included pain and abuse. Betrayal and intimate deception cause a traumatic breach of trust. The shocking turn of events disrupts our lives, compromises our safety, and overwhelms us. 

Over my years of recovery, I’ve learned the importance of facing my fears about sexual deception and taking bold steps with hopes of turning things around. I personally experienced the pain caused by pornography, phone sex, illicit relationships, affairs, and prostitutes. It all hurts. I am deeply sorry for how these deceptive sexual acts have impacted your life. I’m here to tell you that you can rediscover who you are in light of what has happened to you. 

You are worthy. You deserve competent, compassionate, and effective treatment. If you are willing to take the first step toward change, hope and healing are waiting for you. 

In what ways have you questioned yourself because of your partner’s sexual betrayal? How would your perspective shift if you truly believed you are worthy of love, you deserve to be heard, and you are not crazy?