When We're AngrySample

Step 2: God asks us to share our story.

We moms will confess many sins to one another before we confess that we have completely lost it on our children. It’s off-limits, which puts us in a bind: we need forgiveness and encouragement when we react sinfully in our anger, but our inability to stop causes us to hide in our shame.

A passage in James can help us come out of hiding with God about our anger by helping us understand its origins. James begins chapter 4 by asking what causes fights and quarrels, and he answers his question by saying that the quarrels are the result of desires that battle within us.

So many desires battle within us, desires for flourishing marriages, healthy kids, good work, and life-giving friendships. Beneath these desires lie our God-given primal needs for love, security, and agency. God knows these needs and wants to meet them. Yet when we worship love, security, or agency more than we worship God, our desire for these good gifts becomes disordered; we want the gift more than we want the gift giver. The Biblical word for a gift we want more than God is idol. That’s what happened with Herodias—her desire for love became disordered and she made an idol out of it.

Talking honestly with God about our disordered desires and idols can be scary. And we fear that if we start talking honestly to God about them, God will take them away.

Maybe this is why we never see Herodias talking to God: she didn’t want God interfering with her business. What might have happened if Herodias had taken John’s warning seriously and like her husband, gone to the prison to ask John more about his message and to tell her his side? What if she had cried out to God that John’s message felt unjust? How might God have responded to her?

Talking honestly with God opens us up to the power of the Holy Spirit, our helper. James reminds us at the end of verse 2 to ask God directly for help when the battles within lead to anger. Just as we (generally) don’t abandon our toddlers when they’re having a tantrum, God is right there when we are angry and even when we are out of control. Talk honestly with God, even if it means throwing a tantrum. God can handle it.

Prayer:

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you recognize the desires of your heart: for yourself, your kids, your relationships, your work, your community. Write down what you hear. Without judging it, talk with God about your list.