God's View on Marriage and Divorce

By Rob Nieminen

“When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?’ ‘Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator “made them male and female,” and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.’”—Matthew 19:1–6 (NIV)

Before we dive into today’s (and tomorrow’s) text, I want to address those of you who are divorced, are in the process of getting divorced, or even experiencing a difficult season in your marriage in which you may be wondering whether your relationship will even survive. What I want to say first and foremost is that I write from a place of experience. I know what you’re going through personally because, sadly, I’ve been divorced twice.

I understand the deep pain and even the shame associated with a failed marriage. So, I’m coming at today’s passage with a very sensitive spirit to those who cringe when reading what the Bible has to say about divorce, which can sometimes leave us wondering if there’s hope for us. But I think today’s passage of Scripture is instructive because it reveals God’s heart not only for marriage, but also for our healing process.

Divorce was a controversial topic in Jesus’ day, and there were two schools of thought around it—one which was stricter and unpopular (led by Rabbi Shammai) and another that was more lenient and more widely accepted (the Rabbi Hillel school), according to the Enduring Word Bible Commentary. The Pharisees wanted to know where Jesus stood on the debate because if He sided with Hillel, who only allowed divorce in the case of sexual immorality as a valid reason for divorce, He might become unpopular with the people who wanted an easier path to divorce. On the other hand, if He agreed with Hillel, it would be clear He didn’t take the Law of Moses seriously and discredit His ministry.

Behind all of these arguments was an even greater question I believe which was on Jesus’ heart about the value and worth of women. You see, in the culture at that time, Jews had a low view of women in society who were “bought, regarded as property, used as a household drudge, and dismissed at pleasure,” according to the Enduring Word. Bible commentators note that a Jewish man could divorce his wife for something as trivial as burning his dinner. And if he didn’t issue her a certificate of divorce, she was unable to remarry without being labeled an adulteress with no way to support herself financially. So, when the Pharisees ask Jesus if they could divorce a woman “for any and every reason,” it’s obvious they were looking for an easy way out of marriage when things got difficult, or in some cases, simply irritating.

How does Jesus respond? He takes them back to Genesis 1 when God made man and woman in His own image and emphasized His original design—that marriage is made for one man and one woman and was never intended to be broken. In other words, divorce isn’t natural; it’s a consequence of the fall of man. As we’ll discuss more tomorrow, the problem isn’t so much with the institution as it is with the condition of our hearts.

Rather than condemn people like the woman at the well who had five husbands and was living with another (John 4), Jesus approaches with gentleness and truth, exposing our brokenness, not because He wants to shame us, but because He wants to heal us. If your marriage ended in divorce, I believe God wants you to know four things: He loves you, He forgives you, He wants to heal you, and He wants to restore your hope.

Pause: How do you think the culture in Jesus’ day viewed divorce? Is it any different today?

Practice: Read the account of the woman at the well in John 4 across different Bible translations. Take note of how Jesus crossed cultural barriers and how He dug into this woman’s story to restore her dignity and worth and to set her free of her shame. What is He saying to you in this encounter?

Pray: Heavenly Father, thank You for meeting me in my pain, especially as it relates to my (current or past) marriage. I ask You to bring healing to this broken area of my life and restore my hope in the life you have for me—even beyond divorce. Amen.