A Symbolic Act of Love Toward Friends and Enemies

“Lied to your parents.

Lied to your friends.

Gossiped.

Cheated in school.

Ditched class.

Intentionally hurt someone else.

Indulged in sexual sin.”

My cheeks burned pink.

I was one of the hundred 15-year-olds charged to confess my sins as part of a religious rite of passage. During this exercise, my confessor listed sins one by one while, with a nod or shake of the head, I either confirmed or denied my guilt. Though it was meant to make confession easier on our young souls, the drill made my heart beat fast and my stomach tighten as the list grew longer. The feelings of condemnation and judgment I experienced felt insurmountable.

Growing up, I could relate to King David, who said, “I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me” (Psalm 51:3, NIV). I had a nagging sense of falling short. Sometimes, I was not sure why things I did were wrong, like when I messed up a ritual at my church. But sometimes, I was keenly aware of my wrongdoing, like when I spoke spitefully to my brother, though I loved him dearly.

As I carried those moments with me, I wondered how to be better. I felt little relief after confession or ritual prayers meant to ease my guilt. Those moments grew into obsessions with my inadequacy and with becoming clean. And the obsessions grew into thoughts I couldn’t escape.

I learned later that this was due, in part, to an anxiety disorder* that went undetected for years. But even that revelation could not refute the truth that I had chosen to do sinful things which I could not undo.

Years later, I sat across from a friend who’d been determined to help me understand the love of God.

I knew the story she shared about Jesus and the cross, but this time I snapped to attention. I stopped her and said, “Okay. I get it. Here’s what I don’t get. What do I have to do, and what do I have to avoid, to make sure God never stops loving me, to make sure I’m okay?”

She looked me in the eye, smiled, and said, “You never did anything to make God start loving you. You’ll never do anything to make Him stop.”

“Wait ... what? Just like that?” I immediately said.

My dear friend nodded, and I sat stunned, relieved in a way I’d never been before. Tears stung my eyes as I understood. That was why Jesus died: to show me that, in Him, my guilt can be forgiven once and for all, and that I really do belong to Him forever. In Jesus, I’m also free from condemnation and judgment.

As a symbolic act of love and compassion, Jesus washes the feet of His disciples — the disciples who He knew would deny, abandon, and betray Him. The disciples could not save themselves, but Jesus could. He does the same for us today.

“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners,” writes the apostle Paul (Romans 5:8, NLT).

A weight lifted for me that day, and we both began to laugh. I was free. I could finally breathe. Later, I learned that I could walk in love rather than worry. Nothing can change what is true about me: I am forgiven and free, and I don’t have to carry the weight of those moments anymore.

Reflect and Respond

Just as Jesus washed the disciples’ feet, God promises that when we “confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all wickedness”(1 John 1:9, NLT). What moments or patterns of sin weigh you down? Write one or two down and confess them directly to God. Give them to Him, remembering that Christ paid for these sins and more when He died on the cross.

Remember these words from Psalm 103.

“The Lord is compassionate and merciful,

slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.

He will not constantly accuse us,

nor remain angry forever.

He does not punish us for all our sins;

he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.

For his unfailing love toward those who fear him

is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.

He has removed our sins as far from us

as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:8-12, NLT).

*This devotional addresses a mental health issue that affects people from all walks of life. While addressing pieces of this issue within the context of Christian community is important, there are times when further professional help may be required. It is OK to ask for help! If you are in this situation, please seek out a mental health professional. A tool to find a professional in your area, along with other resources, can be found here.