Success Is… Pursuing Relationship over Relevance

Do you ever struggle with the thought of going through life unnoticed? Me too. The desire for obscurity doesn’t come naturally to me. What does come naturally is a desire for relevance: proving my usefulness to a world that demands I justify my existence through successful endeavours.

The first name God is given in scripture is El Roi: the God who sees. He is called this by Hagar. As Abraham’s slave, Hagar would have been used to being unseen and overlooked. It’s moving to read her words: ‘I have now seen the One who sees me’ (Genesis 16:13). Hagar’s statement illustrates a universal truth: our greatest desire is to feel truly seen by our Creator.

Deep down, we all want to be seen. The trick is we often settle for the lesser version: relevance. We want to be recognised and admired by others. But the better, more satisfying version of being seen comes from relationship: true, intimate friendship. Catholic priest and author Henri Nouwen was a highly successful Harvard academic. He wrote, ‘Everyone was saying that I was doing well, but something inside was telling me that my success was putting my soul in danger.’ When we choose to seek professional success above friendship with God and people, we’re putting our souls in danger. This can also happen in the church. We start thinking the more people in our church, the more ‘successful’ we are and the more relevant we feel. This mindset tends to view mission in economic terms. Evangelism becomes a kind of sales pitch to a target audience and risks creating spiritual consumers.

So, how do we reject the allure of relevance – the idea that we’re better than others – and instead humbly seek relationship? How do we give others the incredible gift that God gives us – the gift that Hagar celebrated – the gift of being seen? When we recognise our belovedness, we draw near to Jesus in friendship. Being seen by Jesus helps us see others. Seeing others leads to friendship with them. And those human friendships bring both liberation and joy and pain and complexity. These emotions cause us to draw back to Jesus in dependency and friendship. And the cycle repeats.

Relevance to the masses is appealing. The world tells us that being known and recognised by many makes us successful. But that kind of relevance is both fleeting and dangerous. Instead, our God defines success differently. He offers us – and in turn, asks us to offer others – a more satisfying way of being known. His version of success delivers relevance in the only way that matters – life-giving friendship.