Can We Talk? Biblical Counsel for All of LifeSample

How often have you thought or said something like, “I didn’t think before I spoke”? But Jesus said our main problem with our words is not that we speak without thinking, but that our words express what’s in our hearts. In other words, our mouths say only what has already been thought.

If you want to communicate to strengthen your relationships rather than tear them apart, you must think biblically about your heart—the control center for all that we are and do.

The Bible has a lot to say about communication. Below are our principles for living out your love for Jesus in communicating with others.

Truth 1: Be Honest

While honesty is not easy, especially amid an emotionally charged conversation, Ephesians 4:25 explains that we must be honest because “we are members of one another.” The Bible says that wounds from a friend are faithful and much better than kisses from an enemy.

Truth 2: Keep Current

Unresolved problems often lead to bitterness. Bitterness is evidenced when a problem is repeatedly brought up to criticize and condemn. Over time, the bitterness associated with unresolved problems grows large enough that no meaningful relationship is possible until the bitterness is faced and removed.

Truth 3: Attack the Problem, Not the Person

Another common communication problem occurs when one person attacks another rather than attempting to deal with the problem at hand. Repeated personal attacks hurt the relationship and create new problems. Ephesians 4:29 tells us this behavior contradicts what God intends for our communication. Our words should be a conduit for grace, not conflict.

Truth 4: Act, Don’t React

While there is much to discuss in Ephesians 4:31–32, two points stand out. First, certain responses (actions) should always be part of how we communicate— expressing gentleness, forgiveness, and kindness. Would your coworkers describe your communication this way? Would your spouse and children?

Second, the passage explains that certain kinds of communication (reactions) are sinful and need to be stopped—expressing wrath and slander. Are you quick to point out others’ faults or use a harsh tone? Do you assume the worst of people and then share your thoughts with others, causing them to think the worst about people as well?