Get the appWhen a Couple Loses a Baby: a Man's PerspectiveSample
Struggle # 5: I felt distant.
During pregnancy, men are unable to hold their child. Perhaps this explains one reason why men may compare their grief expression to their wives, feeling distant. The mother’s body cradles the baby; she gets to be close while we must wait until birth.
After our loss, I was able to hold one of our babies. A tiny, little one. As I held my son in my hand, the hope for his future on earth ended. But as I held him, I understood what Ashley was going through on a deeper level. It changed me. I'll never forget it. In that moment, I didn’t feel distant. I felt connected to my child.
As men, we’re not always sure that we should express our emotions. In fact, most of us have experienced some pressure to withhold our emotions. But it is important for you and for others; the mother of your baby needs to know how you feel. You need to feel free to express your emotions to yourself, God, and others.
If you feel distant, you can feel more connected. If God feels distant, it doesn’t mean He is. James 4:8 instructs us to draw near to God and He will draw near to us. Do you believe His Word? Regardless of our feelings, God is near. Let’s keep submitting our emotions and thoughts to God (2 Cor. 10:5).
Connect with God, your wife, and other men who have lost a child; connect with a pastor, coach or counselor.
Realize you’re not alone. Reach out. It will make you a better man and a better father.
God,
You see me even when I don’t feel it. You are close to me. Teach me how to feel You and know that You are real in this moment. Lord, right now, this is me taking a step closer to You.
Amen.
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I'm proud of you for completing this plan. It isn't always easy to talk about loss, but you chose to seek God as you heal.
If you’d like to learn about other reading plans my wife, Ashley and I have written, our book I Used to be _____ , and other resources we've developed to help you leave a legacy, subscribe at https://www.chuckandashley.com/subscribe.
About this Plan
When couples lose a baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or early death, grief is expected. Though there are many resources available for women, few resources speak directly to men. This plan will unpack the ways men may feel differently from women during their loss and will help men find their path toward God and healing. Additionally, permission will be granted to feel deep feelings and to work toward healthy communication. Women can also benefit from learning the struggles men face!
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