Godly Dating 101 Discovering the Truth About Relationships in a World That Constantly LiesSample

Godly Dating Is Preparation for Marriage

Maybe you feel you’ve been in “good” relationships that ended poorly, but I believe we often pray for something we never prepared for. Maybe you sought God diligently for a godly wife. You fasted for weeks, asking God to show you if this man was godly and “the one” for you. Despite our prayers, more goes into finding and being a godly spouse than simply praying for God to bring you someone perfect. With God, all things are possible, but some areas in our lives require maturation and personal growth.

Our culture often says that we are to find “the one,” and once this occurs, we will live happily ever after. Sadly, many have found godly partners, and instead of riding off into the sunset, they’ve ridden off to the courthouse for divorces. Why? They assumed that finding the “perfect” spouse was all that was necessary for the marriage to flourish. Unfortunately, the perfect spouse doesn’t exist; we all need God to work on us. If there were such a perfect spouse, they would likely not want us anyway because we aren’t perfect. The goal isn’t to find the perfect person but to become someone worth pursuing—someone desirable because of how you carry yourself. So instead of ending up in divorce court, we should end up on cloud nine with someone God approves of instead.

God sometimes places us through a process before He gets us to the promise. If we take a moment of introspection, we can find slaws, habits, mindsets, and insecurities that will harm the future we pray for. I believe we should fix certain things before the marriage relationship to avoid stunting the growth we could experience as a couple. Whenever I hear someone expressing their desire for marriage, it reminds me of something God said in Genesis 2:18: “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him” (KJV).

What an amazing reward from God. I have no problem with that verse. I mean, who am I to argue with God? My issue is that we often quote that verse but overlook what God instructed Adam to do before sending him that helper. We ask God for the promise, but we often neglect the process He required before attaining it. God wanted to bless Adam, but Adam wasn’t idle before God stepped in. Adam didn’t set up a hammock and lounge about eating mangoes all day—though that’s what I would’ve done in the garden of Eden, to be honest with you.

Genesis 2:15 says, “The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it.” Adam was given a mission before he was given a helper. God told Adam to maintain the garden. Not only was he told to watch over it, but he was given the opportunity to exercise dominion over everything that God created (Genesis 1:28). God gave Adam a purpose first and foremost. Adam was spending time with God and doing what God called him to do.

What I find fascinating is that we don’t see any verse where Adam asked God for a spouse. God saw that Adam needed company. So initially, God gave him animals to name. While Adam was saying which one would be the monkey and who was going to be the ostrich, God saw that Adam still didn’t have a helper suitable for him. That is when God blessed him with Eve. Interestingly, when God saw Adam doing what he was purposed to do, Adam didn’t have to request his spouse. God saw that need before Adam ever realized he was “alone.”

Of course, praying for a godly spouse is important because that would be a considerable benefit to your life. Still, God knows what you need before you even decide to pray (Matthew 6:8). Often, we ask God to send help before we start doing what God has created us to do. It’s not as if the moment you serve God, you will automatically meet your spouse, but I believe that many of us delay some blessings from God by simply not doing what He called us to do in our current season. Finding someone to marry is easy, but if we are to find the person God wants us to marry, we must be close to Him. We need to be close enough to see when He is saying yes or no regarding our choices. Close enough to know that we are in His will instead of following our changeable emotions. When we abide in His presence, we experience clarity instead of confusion. We can be sure the person we’re with is a blessing to our life rather than a distraction we chose out of loneliness or boredom.

I am of the persuasion that if you aren’t first doing what God has called you to do, you shouldn’t be pursuing a spouse. A little tough, but let me explain why. We’ve talked about how part of preparing for marriage is pursuing what God has called you to do. Why is this important? It helps us find our identity not in a human relationship but instead in God first. Certainly, pray for a godly man or woman to marry—but don’t let your pursuit of marriage become a distraction from your calling. While marriage is beautiful and teaches us so much, our purpose on earth is far greater than marriage itself. God designed us all to do something for Him (and others), which should always be our top priority.

Respond

What is God’s purpose for your life?

How is He blessing your obedience and preparing you for His gift of a spouse?

Prayer

I am so grateful that before I was born, Father, You had a plan and a purpose for my life. Thank You for desiring a relationship with me. Please show me the purpose You have for me. Help me to strive to become all that You have planned for me and prepare to love others the way You do. I trust You with my life and with my future spouse. In Jesus’ name, Amen.