When Making Others Happy Is Making You MiserableSample

Day Four: In All Honesty
Key Verse: Psalm 12:2

Have you ever flattered someone because you felt it would get you something you greatly desired? Like the time in high school when I told a girl in the popular crowd how much I loved her new olive-green sweater—when I really felt it was more awful than awesome—hoping then she might invite me to her slumber party. There is an old cliché about the practice of giving excessive or insincere praise: “Flattery gets you nowhere.” Still, we sometimes feign and fawn in hopes that flattery will indeed get us somewhere!

While gossip can be defined as saying something behind someone’s back that you’d never say to their face, flattery is much the reverse. It is uttering words to someone’s face that you’d never say behind their back because they are totally untrue.

When we flatter, we do something else—although we might not so readily admit it—we lie. The pages of Scripture are chock-full of warnings against this seemingly effective, but totally deceptive tool—a tool that often backfires.

Read these words found in Psalm 12:2:

“They speak deceitful and worthless words to one another;

With flattering lips and a double heart they speak.” (AMP)

The word rendered flattering in the original Hebrew is the word chelqah, meaning “smooth, slippery, and agreeable.” It is also used in many places to mean a portion of ground or the ground one is presently standing on. Combine these together and the picture becomes clear. We are surely standing on a slippery slope when we choose to flatter with our lips.

The other part of this verse that intrigues me is the notion of a double heart. The concept conveyed here is that someone who is flattering with their lips really has two hearts—one that is true to their inner soul and one that is portrayed to the person hearing the lies. This second heart is insincere and even downright deceptive. Honesty is nowhere in sight.

Elsewhere in Scripture, we see what flattering can do to us. We usually only have in mind what it can do for us; the immediate results we seek when we falsely inflate the ego of another person. But what about what it is doing to us? Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that we can come out of a flattering situation unharmed. We often can’t.

Proverbs 26:28 lays out one of the consequences:

“A lying tongue hates those it hurts,

and a flattering mouth works ruin.” (NIV)

The Hebrew word for ruin in this verse is midcheh. Interestingly, it is the only occurrence of this word in the entire Bible. It means “a method for, or occasion of, stumbling.” When we work our flattery, we are in for a fall.

Have you ever felt a prick in your heart when you used words of flattery or failed to tell the truth when asked for your opinion by a coworker or friend? We might think we are looking out for the best interests of others when we shade the truth, even a little. However, solid and lasting friendships are built on a foundation of honesty.

Our human connections—whether with people inside our family or friends and coworkers—can become significantly strengthened when we decide to be truthful and upfront. We can adopt a new habit of shooting straight while simultaneously expressing our love and care for others. Both can be done at the same time.

Learning to express honesty that is intentionally tucked in an envelope of kindness can become one of the greatest areas of growth in our lives. It will propel us to deeper, more authentic, and ultimately, healthier relationships with others.

Respond

Has there ever been a time that you feigned kindness or admiration and ended up getting caught in a mess?

How might the biblical truths in today’s reading keep you from flattering in the future and ending up entangled again?

Prayer

Father, help me not fall prey to utilizing the tool of flattery to obtain a desired result in my relationships. Help me kindly and gently speak the truth to others knowing that not only is honesty the best policy, but it also pleases You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.