Dating and the Single ParentSample

Best Practices for Dating Single Parents, Part 2

Here are more suggestions for wise single-parent dating.

Engage in “What if?” Conversations

Even before dating, single parents begin a series of conversations with their children that wonder, “What if I began dating? How would you feel?” Periodically, they engage the conversation again and again: “What if Sara and I began dating regularly?” “What if John’s kids came over every Friday through the summer?” “What if she and I were to get engaged?” Each dialogue is both assessment (how are my kids feeling about these realities) and intervention as it prepares them for what might happen. A smart single parent doesn’t let their children’s emotions dictate their dating progress, but they do listen and give serious consideration to how the children are feeling (becoming a couple is up to you; whether you become a family is up to them). Engage in these conversations throughout your dating experience, especially in anticipation of each stage of a developing relationship.

Offer Soft Invitations to Older Children

Teens and adult children need to move toward your dating partner at their own pace. If you make it your agenda to get them to accept your partner and relationship, you may be shooting yourself in the foot. Instead, make opportunities for them to get to know each other, but don’t force it.

Realize That You’re Not Just Forming a Relationship, You’re Creating a Family

When kids predate dating, the couple’s relationship inherently creates competing attachments. Today’s Scripture passage teaches that singles can be undivided in their devotion to the Lord, but married people are divided. Likewise, a single parent can be devoted to their children, but when they start dating, they become divided. The choice to be with the dating partner or children generally means the other is left waiting…and wondering how their relationship with you is being influenced by your relationship with the other. Attend to both your kids and dating partner and take time to assess how the potential stepfamily relationships are developing.

Adapted from the book Dating and the Single Parent by Ron L. Deal. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

TRY THIS

Start engaging your children in “What if…?” conversations. Don’t push an agenda on them; just listen openly to their responses.