Beyond the Battle, Finding Identity in Christ in an Oversexualized WorldSample

Your spouse will never be able to compete with the women or men you compare them to.

No human could.

There is simply too much competition: throngs of real men and women looking for attention, and throngs of electronic male and female images vying for your mouse click.

Your spouse is only human. Your fantasies are not. You know every flaw your spouse has, whereas you see other men or women on a surface level. You see your spouse on their worst days. You smell their breath when you wake up in the morning. (And they smells yours.) Your spouse can’t compare to the flirtatious snapshots that tempt you. You will always be able to find something your spouse lacks that someone else seems to offer.

Instead of focusing on what we don’t have, living pardoned focuses on what we do have and celebrating that with gratitude.

Living pardoned makes me realize that when the classic hymn begins, “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like _____,” the name that goes in the blank is my own, not my spouse’s.

Living entitled means treating my spouse as if they are the wretch in need of an overhaul.

Living pardoned realizes that without Christ I am the wretch, and no earthly overhaul can cure me. The only cure is Jesus’ mercy. I am a shattered vessel that his grace has made whole. Such a thought makes me bury my face in my hands, while simultaneously lifting them in praise as far as they will reach.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.

My spouse is now a gift for a wretch like me. A gift I don’t deserve. Even with all of her flaws and all I want to change, she is a gift I don’t deserve. Your singleness is no longer a plague needing to be eradicated, but is a gift of mercy to be grateful for. 

You have been pardoned.

You are a new creation.

The sun shines down on you as you take your first breath of crisp air as a free person. A long, deep breath.

How do you feel?

More important, how will you live?

How will you live as a single person?

How will you live as a husband or wife? 

How will gratitude change the way you talk to God about your marriage or singleness?

We can stop looking to our spouse or our potential future spouse to fill our love tanks. What we need to understand in the depths of our being, and what will truly transform us through the thick and thin of singleness and marriage, is that Jesus has done more than enough for us to be thankful for. Jesus fills our love tank to the brim, to overflowing, and nothing can change that. We have a choice: we can fuel ourselves with his love, or we can look for a cheap substitute elsewhere.

Questions for Married People:

1. In what ways have you compared your spouse to other men / women?

2. What do you appreciate most about your spouse?

3. How will you show your spouse you appreciate him or her?

4. How has your spouse served as the glue of grace in your life?

5. What sins does marriage keep you from being involved in? What good things does marriage bring into your life?

Married Person Prayer for the Day: Lord, forgive me for putting myself above my spouse on so many occasions. Forgive me for not seeking you to meet my needs. Forgive me for all the times I’ve held my spouse’s flaws against them. THANK YOU for saving a wretch like me.

Questions for Singles:

1. How does your life compare with other people’s lives? What about other people’s lives do you covet?

2. What do you appreciate most about the life God has given you?

3. How can you joyfully rest in God’s sovereignty as a single person today?

Single Person Prayer for the Day: Lord, help me not to covet what other people have. Please fill any void I feel about not having a spouse. Allow me to see with a fresh sense of appreciation all the blessings you have given me as a single person. Strengthen my married brothers and sisters in their marriages, and strengthen me in my singleness.