Why Leaders Need to Understand Personal Experiences

Every person has a story. Maybe the assumption is that our stories may differ, but since they are in the past, they do not matter for our present and future. I love the scene in The Lion King where Simba, the son of the king, has run away from his life and responsibilities. The wise baboon, Rafiki, finds him, and in a discussion, takes his stick and strikes Simba on the head. Simba says, “Ow! What was that for?”

Rafiki answers, “It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past!”

Simba insists, “Yeah, but it still hurts.”

Rafiki responds, “Oh, yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”

Our story, our personal experience, colors our perspective and either enhances or limits our response. It increases our success and deepens our struggle. As a leader, you will encounter stressed people every day.

First, don’t take every negative glance, word, or encounter personally. Sometimes, you have nothing to do with the other person’s obvious irritation; you may just be present for the fallout. One day after a presentation, an older lady, with a grimace on her face, came up to me. In a rough voice, but with a wise heart, she said, “I just don’t want you thinking, while I’m looking mad out here, that it has anything to do with you. My back is killing me, but I wanted to be here, and it was all I could do just to stay in my seat during your presentation.”

This story could be told over and over again. An older man had a negative experience with the state police when he was in his twenties. Another, whose only memory of his father was when he was a little boy, had his dad toss him an Indian head nickel as he was about to drive away and never be seen in his life again. A woman, who had been secretly molested as a child , acted out her brokenness through a series of affairs during her marriage. Another woman avoided all sick people because several family members died of tuberculous when she was growing up. What about the ones who were bullied, homeless, hungry, orphaned, abandoned, or impoverished? And there are those who have never divulged their demons, but the cracks in their lives are evident.

Ezekiel 3:15 says that the prophet was left “stunned.” I imagine, as he arrived, he wondered why these people were doing so badly. After sitting there, he was stunned with all they had been through and with all they had yet to deal with in the present. Now he probably wondered why they were doing as well as they were.

Knowing an individual’s story helps us understand the awkward things they sometimes do. To some degree, we are all broken. Getting in touch with our own story is as important as knowing the stories of those you are attempting to lead.