The Second Happy by Pastor Kevin MyersSample

Who’s the boss in your marriage? 

When we’re growing up, we know who’s the boss. We start life with parents, and they are in charge. If they love you and follow God’s design for your development, it’s great. Parents who lead well and create a loving, healthy environment usually have kids who flourish. But even in cases where parents don’t do a great job—or when we disagree with good parents—we still know they are in charge. Mom or Dad is the boss.

Then, when we go to school, our teachers and the principal are the bosses. When we learn to drive, we realize quickly the police officer is the boss when it comes to speed limits. Marcia and I have enough tickets to confirm this!  And on it goes. 

But here’s the question: who’s the boss in your marriage? If there is the least bit of tension over who’s in charge, if there is a battle of the wills, if there is confrontation about who should have the last word, you need to recognize that for what it is: You’re fighting to be the boss of your marriage instead of recognizing that you already have a boss—and it’s neither of you.

Who’s the boss? God! God is the boss of your marriage. The husband and wife are called to experience oneness, not to bicker over who’s the boss. 

Marcia and I are both strong willed and stubborn. Early in our marriage, we had to learn to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. To wash one another’s feet. To put the other ahead of ourselves. That’s a practice we describe as mutual voluntary submission.

Mutual voluntary submission is one of the most biblically radical insights we’ve ever learned. The whole idea of submitting to one another and honoring one is revolutionary in a world full of people who are trying to get others to submit to them so they can impose their will on others. But it is the golden nugget at the core of oneness in a marriage. It transformed us. It wasn’t until we practiced mutual voluntary submission and acknowledged that God was the boss of our marriage that we truly experienced the oneness we desired. Only through mutual voluntary submission were we able to create the unmatched happiness of oneness that every married couple desires. Honoring one another above ourselves is an internal and external expression of true love.

Prayer: Lord you are the boss of my marriage, not me. Please show me where I need to submit to and honor my spouse in reverence to you, and help me to do it with a cheerful and grateful heart.