Love & RespectSample

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Eggerichs’s Rewarded Cycle states: “His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.” This means that no matter what your spouse gives or does not give you, keep offering love and respect, because it is the life of Christ living in you showing the example of love and faith. 

Many spouses don’t want to offer love and respect if it isn’t reciprocated; they figure it’s a losing battle. Certainly it is a difficult task to offer this unconditional gift when there’s nothing to receive, but there are reasons to not give up and to allow God to work. “Don’t interpret delay as defeat,” Eggerichs encourages. Wait and persevere . . . the development of your soul is more important than the earthly timing you adhere to. The unconditional love and unconditional respect you show your husband or wife will be rewarded. This is the essence of the Rewarded Cycle. It might look different than you expected, but God will take care of your heart.

What you do, how you respond to life situations and marriage, matters to God. Nothing you experience or endure is wasted. Keep practicing the Love and Respect principles out of obedience toward Christ, and then see what follows. 

Typically, we are creatures that give to get. Even in parenthood, we sacrifice so much on the front end, always giving and never really getting back an equal measure of our efforts. We secretly hope that our children will grow up and be thankful for our steady presence. Or we feel that the grandchildren who await us (hopefully) will be reward enough for all the years of dedication to our kids, often with no verbal praise from them. Marriage is different, though. It’s a contract we enter into, willingly, in good faith, with God’s blessing. Often this thought process is enough to make some feel that cruise control is an option. That’s when you hear the screech of the brakes and feel the tears well up (or the irritation set in). 

When a partner realizes he or she might not get what was promised at the marriage ceremony, it’s hard to keep offering respect, love, and faithfulness. An overwhelming sense of unfairness and disappointment overrides God’s directive voice when we feel ripped off or mistreated by our spouse. But God challenges each of us who finds ourselves in this situation to stay the course, not giving to get but simply giving because it’s honorable and holy and changes us for the better.

“In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ,” Eggerichs states. When you and your spouse can finally internalize this truth, then you can look at one another with the eyes of Christ and feel with the passion of true lovers. 

Questions for you and your spouse:

Eggerichs says, “My response to my spouse is my responsibility.” He goes on to state that in his own marriage, his wife doesn’t cause him to be the way he is; she reveals the way he is. What does he mean by this? Do you agree with him?

Read 1 Timothy 4:12: “Set an example . . . in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity” (NIV). If you use this as a mantra for giving unconditional love and respect to your spouse, what will it look like if it’s one-sided? 

“When a wife feels her need for love is met, she bonds with her husband. When a husband feels his need for respect is being met, he bonds with his wife,” states Eggerichs. Write a commitment statement to your spouse, stating that you intend to fulfill their need for unconditional love and respect, then begin the transformative journey to a deeper union.

Lord, I know that my commitment to my marriage and the love and respect I unconditionally offer is seen by You. My desire is that I am rewarded with love and respect from my spouse, and I earnestly wait and trust in You to deliver that. In the meantime, provide the peace and love I need to continue my obedience toward You. Amen.