Raising Sons to Fight GiantsSample

Counterfeit masculinity excels at making excuses. Because the “masculinity” is a matter of pride, not humble acceptance of responsibility, then anything which threatens that pride must be rejected. One of the things which always threatens pride is any kind of failure, and the way that insecure males deal with this is through making excuses. True masculinity accepts responsibility, period, while false masculinity will try to accept responsibility only for success. 

Suppose a young son is playing left field, and in the course of the game, he drops an easy pop fly. Suppose further that he says he did so because “the sun was in my eyes”, “a bee was near me,” “the grass was slippery,” “a fan yelled and distracted me,” and so on. This should be taken with the utmost seriousness by the parents—this boy is in grave spiritual danger. This pattern of fending off a threat of wounded pride through excuse-making is typical of males in sin, and yet is thoroughly unmasculine. A refusal to make excuses is right at the heart of a scriptural masculinity.

When a boy does not make excuses it is frequently because he does not need to—mom and dad do it for him. Suppose the coach substitutes another player, or the boy is dropped from the team because he is on academic probation, or some other fallout occurs. Parents are often ferocious in “explaining” why this shouldn’t happen. The son is in the background, taking notes. So when they, the parents, confront him about something, he does to them what he has already learned from them. What he has learned is the practice of refusing to take responsibility. He has learned how to reject masculinity. 

Consequently, when a father asks his son why a particular chore was not accomplished, a good, normal response should be, “No excuse, sir.” If this is said with the right demeanor, without insolence, without any spin on the word sir, then the son is learning what he needs to learn. The buck stops with him. The father should accept this and not badger him into excuse-making. So in its turn, the acceptance of responsibility should be accepted.