The Louder Song: Listening for Hope in the Midst of Pain, Anxiety, Grief, Doubt, and LamentSample

For anyone walking through seasons of difficulty, particularly when that difficulty seems like it will never end, an inevitable part of the grieving process is wondering about the what-ifs, the if-onlys, or the what-might-have-beens. 

Sometimes, in order to move through our pain, we need to create space to grieve  for our disrupted futures. In other words, we need to lament (cry out to God) those what-could-have-beens. It’s perfectly legitimate, healthy even, to grieve for past pain and for alternate versions of the future. Because our what-might-have-beens are also very real losses. 

It’s good to express our what-could-have-been questions to God—not so that we get stuck in the past or stumble over it—but as a way to surrender the past to Him, and begin living wholly in the new reality in front of us. 

Think of Hagar and little Ishmael’s lament in Genesis 21, from our reading today. We see a glimpse of a “what-might-have-been” lament here. Hagar and her boy were banished to the desert because of Sarah’s jealousy. When they ran out of water, Hagar placed her little one under some bushes and sobbed, “I cannot watch him die” (verse 16). 

In Hagar’s lament, we see the pain of a mother watching her son suffer. This is not the existence this child was supposed to have. He should have been raised in the house of his father, Abraham. He should have been provided for. He should have known shelter, food, water, and family. He certainly should not be dying in the desert.

Thankfully, the Lord heard the cries of mother and son, stepped in, and provided water for them, a well in the desert. As Hagar said good-bye to what should have been, God stepped in and took Ishmael down another path altogether. 

As we read Scriptures like these, it becomes clear that God never remains a passive listener. When we cry out to Him, when we surrender our what-ifs to Him, He hears. God is an involved Comforter, who wants our what-ifs. 

So surrender your what-might-have-beens to God today. 

These might also be the very laments that help open your eyes to see God’s stream in your desert. 

In your pain, may you know Him today as El Roi, the God who sees you.