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PORNOGRAPHY AND MARITAL SEPARATION
In his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul recommended the expulsion or excommunication of a man who had become involved in sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 5:13). A passage in his second letter to the same church seems to indicate that this drastic measure eventually produced the desired result: apparently the individual in question repented and was welcomed back into the fellowship of believers (2 Corinthians 2:6-8). This, according to the apostle, is the goal of all such disciplinary action within the economy of God’s kingdom. Its purpose is not to condemn or alienate, but rather to produce wholeness and joy through the miracle of reconciliation.
While not always the appropriate prescription, a temporary marital separation may have the same effect in the case of a spouse who appears to be making little headway in his or her struggle against porn addiction. This is a step that needs to be sorted out prayerfully with the assistance of a trained Christian counselor. In some situations, however, creating a crisis is the only way to open the eyes of the morally and spiritually blind. Under the right circumstances, taking this kind of serious action can provide the necessary motivation for badly needed behavioral change. If you are facing a situation of this kind in your marriage, you may want to consider the option of leaving your spouse for a brief, pre-determined period of time. But you should give some careful thought to several other considerations before making up your mind to move in this direction.
It’s important to ask yourself, for instance, whether your spouse’s porn addiction is an isolated problem or an element of a larger, more all-encompassing pattern of behavior. If it is part of a bigger syndrome, you should also ascertain if it includes abuse. If the abuse is so severe that you feel as if your personal safety (and that of your children, if you have any) is being compromised, you would be wise to remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible. But this doesn’t necessarily mean that you should stay separated permanently or indefinitely. Again, these are issues that are best addressed under the guidance of a caring and competent Christian counselor.
If you and your spouse have already made an unsuccessful attempt to solve the problem through counseling, don’t give up hope. With God’s help your spouse can conquer his addiction to pornography. Effective therapy is available to anyone who is willing to do the legwork of investigating the options. Your best plan, then, may be to make yet another attempt to seek out counseling. The two of you should do this together. The most successful course of treatment takes a family systems approach that involves an initial program of intensive therapy, followed by regular and ongoing counseling sessions. It’s also important to identify a trusted friend or group of individuals who can provide you with the support and accountability you need.
In the meantime, remember that you and your spouse are not alone. Sexual addictions of all kinds are strikingly pervasive in contemporary society. That’s not to mention that God is on your team and will be with you through this difficult passage in your marriage. The Holy Spirit will grant you the strength and patience you need as you look to Him in faith.
In his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul recommended the expulsion or excommunication of a man who had become involved in sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 5:13). A passage in his second letter to the same church seems to indicate that this drastic measure eventually produced the desired result: apparently the individual in question repented and was welcomed back into the fellowship of believers (2 Corinthians 2:6-8). This, according to the apostle, is the goal of all such disciplinary action within the economy of God’s kingdom. Its purpose is not to condemn or alienate, but rather to produce wholeness and joy through the miracle of reconciliation.
While not always the appropriate prescription, a temporary marital separation may have the same effect in the case of a spouse who appears to be making little headway in his or her struggle against porn addiction. This is a step that needs to be sorted out prayerfully with the assistance of a trained Christian counselor. In some situations, however, creating a crisis is the only way to open the eyes of the morally and spiritually blind. Under the right circumstances, taking this kind of serious action can provide the necessary motivation for badly needed behavioral change. If you are facing a situation of this kind in your marriage, you may want to consider the option of leaving your spouse for a brief, pre-determined period of time. But you should give some careful thought to several other considerations before making up your mind to move in this direction.
It’s important to ask yourself, for instance, whether your spouse’s porn addiction is an isolated problem or an element of a larger, more all-encompassing pattern of behavior. If it is part of a bigger syndrome, you should also ascertain if it includes abuse. If the abuse is so severe that you feel as if your personal safety (and that of your children, if you have any) is being compromised, you would be wise to remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible. But this doesn’t necessarily mean that you should stay separated permanently or indefinitely. Again, these are issues that are best addressed under the guidance of a caring and competent Christian counselor.
If you and your spouse have already made an unsuccessful attempt to solve the problem through counseling, don’t give up hope. With God’s help your spouse can conquer his addiction to pornography. Effective therapy is available to anyone who is willing to do the legwork of investigating the options. Your best plan, then, may be to make yet another attempt to seek out counseling. The two of you should do this together. The most successful course of treatment takes a family systems approach that involves an initial program of intensive therapy, followed by regular and ongoing counseling sessions. It’s also important to identify a trusted friend or group of individuals who can provide you with the support and accountability you need.
In the meantime, remember that you and your spouse are not alone. Sexual addictions of all kinds are strikingly pervasive in contemporary society. That’s not to mention that God is on your team and will be with you through this difficult passage in your marriage. The Holy Spirit will grant you the strength and patience you need as you look to Him in faith.
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About this Plan
If you’ve been married for a while, then you already know how challenging it can be to keep your romance alive. That’s why many couples look for creative ways to get a spark of intimacy going. It’s a great idea. But don’t be fooled: Pornography is never a positive ingredient of a healthy marriage. It is powerfully addicting and will eventually cause a severe breakdown in your relationship.
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