Smart Love Knows the Bottom Line

When Gary and Brenda first met, their dates mostly happened like this: If Gary wanted to see Brenda on the weekend, he called her sometime on Thursday to make plans for Saturday night; otherwise she ­didn’t hear from him. After weeks of this, Brenda balked. “It felt too unbalanced. I had no control. If I wanted to see him, I had to wait, not make other plans.” And so the Thursday eventually came when Brenda sweetly declared herself busy on Saturday. She turned down dates with Gary until eventually he got the message and changed his pattern.

It’s a little thing, but it illustrates a big point: Smart love has standards of behavior in a relationship. Smart love has a bottom line that says, this is what I can and cannot live with. Whether it be about common courtesy, seeing other­ people, or having limits on sex, smart love preserves your dignity, integrity, and well-being.

In so many ways it comes down to honoring God - not to mention your partner and yourself - through your decision-making. And wise decision ultimately means leaning into God's guidance for your life. As it says in Proverbs, "For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth comes knowledge and understanding" (Proverbs 2:6)

Everyone’s bottom line is different. We ­can’t tell you where to draw the line on every issue. That’s your decision. You call the shots about what you can and cannot live with. The point is to know what you want from a dating partner and where you are willing to bend—and where you are not.

Beware: If you are to hold to your bottom line, you must ultimately accept the possibility of being alone. You must be willing to walk if the relationship ­isn’t allowing your best self to flourish.

Here’s the bottom line of smart love: A lousy relationship is never better than no relationship at all.

Being alone - and leaning on God's presence when you're alone - is better than compromising your standard.

(added emphasis)

Do you believe that God’s presence is better than a lousy relationship?

Do you trust that His love, and His wisdom, will be sufficient for you regardless of your relationship status?

If you don’t, making wise and God-honoring decisions will be compromised.

You have to see yourself and others through the lens of God’s faithful and unending love. It will keep you steady, guide you with confidence and help you make decisions.

Not only will God’s love motivate you to keep your standards high, but it will also prepare you to be a healthy contributor to a God-honoring and sustaining relationship.