SOUL RESET: Forgive Without Compromising Your Peaceනියැදිය

Over the past three days, we've focused on forgiveness - what it is, what it isn't, and how it depends on you. Today, we turn our attention to reconciliation. Remember our key truth: Forgiveness involves me, but reconciliation involves us.

What exactly is reconciliation? Here's my definition: reconciliation is the process of restoring a broken relationship where everyone involved has experienced forgiveness.

Let's break this down by looking at Jacob and Esau's powerful reunion.

"Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept...Esau said, 'I have enough, my brother; keep what you have for yourself.' But Jacob said, 'No, please, if I have found favor in your sight, then accept my present from my hand.'" (Genesis 33:4, 9-10)

Notice how reconciliation required both brothers to change. Jacob had to humble himself, while Esau needed to abandon his desire for revenge. If either brother had refused to change, reconciliation wouldn't have been possible.

This leads us to an important truth: reconciliation isn't always possible or wise. Early in our marriage, my wife prosecuted domestic violence cases for several years. In all that time, not one pastor showed up to support a domestic violence victim during sentencing. Every time a pastor came to court, it was to ask for a lesser sentence for the abuser. Among the prosecutors in her office, the church gained a reputation for caring more about redeeming offenders than protecting victims.

This broke my heart and made me angry! While forgiveness is always possible (and necessary for our freedom), reconciliation requires genuine change from both parties. If someone remains unsafe or unrepentant, pursuing reconciliation might put you in harm's way.

Romans 12:18 gives us wisdom here: "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Again, notice those crucial words: "if possible." Sometimes, reconciliation isn't possible despite our best efforts and deepest desires. Also, read the following words: “so far as it depends on you.” There is a part of reconciliation that doesn’t depend on you. You aren’t in control of whether a relationship is reconciled.

Here's what I've learned about reconciliation:

• It's a process, not an event.
• It requires genuine change from everyone involved.
• It moves us forward to something new, not backward to what was.
• It's not always possible or wise.
• It depends on everyone involved, not just you.

The good news? Even when reconciliation isn't possible, you can still be free through forgiveness. You're not stuck waiting for someone else to change before you can experience healing and peace.

Tomorrow, we'll talk about something crucial: why trust takes time. But for today, reflect on this: Are you trying to reconcile with someone who hasn't shown genuine change? Are you putting pressure on yourself to reconcile when it might not be wise or possible right now?

This content may bring up some intense emotions. I want you to know I’m proud of you for facing this. You’re more courageous than you realize.

I'll see you tomorrow!