Getting Dating Rightනියැදිය

How to Be Faithfully Single

Yesterday, we kicked things off by talking about the greatest calling of our lives—to become people who love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength and love others the same way Jesus loves us. When we’re connected to the Source in this way, we stand out in a world marred by broken relationships and love’s cheap counterfeits.

Today, we’re going to dive a little deeper into the idea that the greatest calling of our lives is not who we marry or even that we get married; it’s who we become.

To be clear, marriage is a good thing! It’s just not the purpose for which you were created.

Hearing that may be new or shocking to you—which makes sense! We live in a culture that sells us the idea that in order to have a fulfilling life, we need a sexually satisfying relationship.

The biggest problem with that idea is that it is antithetical to the gospel. At its core, it conflicts with the beautiful truth of what God has done, is doing, and will do through His Son, Jesus. Because the good news is that through Him, the kingdom of heaven—Shalom, wholeness—has come near and everyone is invited in. And your place and effectiveness in God’s kingdom have nothing to do with your relational status and everything to do with the grace of Jesus. That’s the good news! You aren’t a second-class citizen in the kingdom of heaven until you get married. You are a full-blown member of God’s family when you put your faith in the Son of God, who loves you and gave Himself for you.

As citizens of God’s kingdom, we are set apart. That’s what it means to be holy. And that’s God’s will for you!

God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 NLT

God’s will, His desire for the people He loves and saved, is that we would be holy like He is holy. This is a theme that is woven throughout the biblical story. In 1 Thessalonians, Paul is writing to a group of Christians under intense pressure from the culture around them. He’s picking up on the thread of holiness and showing them how that connects to their sexuality.

And in case it wasn’t clear, God’s will for us to be holy (set apart, special, absolutely pure) is deeply connected to our sexuality. They are so tied together that it’s the logical conclusion Paul draws in this passage: “God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.”

If God having something to say about your sexuality makes you uncomfortable, please lean into this next part.

God cares about your sexuality because He cares about you.

He wants you to live with sexual integrity because He loves you and wants you to be free from the immense pain, suffering, trauma, and shame that sexual sin brings with it.

At this point, an objection you may have is: “If God doesn’t want me to do this thing, then why would He give me these desires?” Fair question. Because as we talked about before, we were created in the image of God with good desires for love, intimacy, and relationships. The problem is that our desires have been corrupted by sin.

And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. James 1:13-15 NLT

We want things that the Bible warns us are bad because we have been infected by a disease of selfishness called sin. Sin has so corrupted our desires that we do things that wreak havoc on us and cause harm to others. When we try to satisfy those desires on our terms instead of God’s, outside of the union of marriage, we are committing the sin of sexual immorality. And sin always leads to death.

But, here’s the really good news: Our God is in the business of bringing dead things back to life. God’s grace is available to you no matter what you’ve done or how ashamed you feel.

So, run to Him. If you’re struggling with shame from your past, He wants to cleanse you from all impurity. If you are wrestling with impulses and desires that feel beyond your control, the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is available to you. If you are locked in the grip of addiction, Jesus literally came to set captives free. He is enough, His power is enough, His grace is enough. He’s powerful enough to save you and loving enough to want to. So if the Holy Spirit is tugging on your heart right now, don’t wait. Respond. Drop to your knees and ask for His help and healing.

Then, pursue holiness. This is how to be faithfully single, but it doesn’t stop there—it’s also how to faithfully date, and be faithfully married! No matter your relational status, when you are a citizen of heaven, God’s will is for you to be holy. So …

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts. 2 Timothy 2:22 NLT

As we close out, here are three tips from Paul to help you pursue holiness:

1. Don’t fight sexual temptation; flee from it. There are some temptations where we hold our ground and fight, but sexual temptation is not one of those. If you want to be holy, truly, start eliminating temptations today so you don’t even need to fight them tomorrow. Unfollow Instagram accounts that make you lust, get rid of novels with sexual content, and don’t watch shows and movies that tempt you to objectify or fantasize about the actors or actresses.
2. Fill your schedule with good, God-honoring things. The truth is, sin is a lot less appealing in broad daylight. So, walk in the light. Fill your schedule with things that feed good, God-honoring desires and starve the sinful ones. Start serving regularly at a non-profit or your church, start a Bible study on your sports team, join a Christian club at your school, or commit to being at church as often as the doors are open!
3. Find faithful friends. A great way to help you stay faithful to your call to be holy is to have people doing it with you. Because we are made in the image of a relational God, we literally aren’t designed to do life alone. So find and enjoy friendships with people who are also choosing to pursue holiness and can help you stay committed to following Jesus.

The greatest calling of our lives is not to satisfy our sexual desires; it’s to become people who are holy like our Heavenly Father.

Challenge: Today was a big day. If you took the step of confessing a sin or struggle to God, well done. That’s an incredibly big deal. Our challenge is to take it one step further and share what you did with a trusted friend or mentor who is also following Jesus. Scripture tells us that we confess to God for forgiveness, and we confess to others to experience healing. The beautiful thing about confessing to others is that they can show us a visible picture of the grace of God, and they can support us as we move forward in freedom!