Embracing Vulnerability in Widowhoodනියැදිය

In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land. So a man from Bethlehem in Judah, together with his wife and two sons, went to live for a while in the country of Moab. The man’s name was Elimelek, his wife’s name was Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Kilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem, Judah. And they went to Moab and lived there. Now Elimelek, Naomi’s husband, died, and she was left with her two sons. They married Moabite women, one named Orpah and the other Ruth. After they had lived there about ten years, both Mahlon and Kilion also died, and Naomi was left without her two sons and her husband.

Ruth 1:1-5 (NIV)

Naomi had barely finished grieving the death of her husband when she lost her two sons. I can imagine, she believed everything had been taken from her. There was nothing left. All three women were now alone without any husbands to care for them.

Naomi decided the only thing to do was move back to her hometown. Her daughter-in-law, Ruth, offered to stay with her, but Naomi tried to persuade her against it. Naomi told her, “Your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. You should go back with her.” But Ruth was determined to stay with Naomi: “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”

Upon moving back to Naomi’s home country, life wasn’t easy for the two widows, but together, they created a home for themselves. Ruth worked hard, gleaning in the fields of a kind relative, Boaz, and Naomi gained a sparkle in her eye as a matchmaker for her daughter-in-law. Boaz was drawn to Ruth’s loyalty and selflessness and eventually married her, giving her a new family and community. Through this union, Ruth gave Naomi a beautiful grandson whom she would help raise in the ways of God. And though Naomi would not see it in her lifetime, from this grandson would come a shepherd boy named David, who would eventually become the King of Israel!

Though losing a loved one can be heartbreaking and devastating, Ruth and Naomi’s story teaches us some important lessons on walking through grief and loneliness.

First, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to go through the grieving process. Everyone grieves differently and in their own time. In fact, at one point, at the height of her grief, Naomi told her friends, “Do not call me Naomi [Sweet]. Call me Mara [Bitter], for the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty” (Ruth 1:20:21). Some might criticize Naomi for her behavior, but that’s how she felt in her season of grief. She felt bitter and disappointed.

Naomi and Ruth went through a process of grief, and eventually, like the sun breaking through clouds after a storm, the beautiful sweetness of life returned to Naomi. As she pressed into her faith and the relationships God put around her, she experienced God’s comfort and goodness.

Second, in the same way that Ruth and Naomi found comfort in each other, it is important to embrace community. It can be tempting to shut yourself off from others and pretend like you don’t need any help. But it is important to reach out to your support system (your friends, family, pastor, small group, or therapist) when you are feeling lonely. Don’t try to walk through it alone. Whether you talk about the loss with them, or simply sit with them, community is life-giving.

QUESTIONS:

What are some practical ways you have found to help with being vulnerable and allowing others to be there for you? What are some things you can do to allow yourself to be more vulnerable? In your grief, do you feel like you have ever overlooked, undervalued, or rejected a possible friendship or relationship?

JOURNAL:

Journal your answers to the above questions. When you are tempted to close off and protect yourself, reach out to a friend, family member, or fellow widow you know and share where you are hurting.