Choosing REALSample

Communicating Value: Deeper Relationships in the Midst of Tension

Relationships. They require much communication. Whether in friendship or marriage or family, communication is like cake. The deeper I choose to progress through one relational layer after another—through expectations, tension, assumptions, and awkward conversations—frosting the entire stack with clarifying questions, the more satisfying intimacy becomes. Because relationships vary from one person to the next, valuing each friendship in its own way requires effort. Realationships, if you will. When we choose to connect with one another through listening and sharing, we are changed for it, from it, and better understand God’s heart in it.

Communicating value is more than showing someone love; it’s wanting that person to feel known, heard, and valued in his or her unique way, no matter how imperfectly said.

When tension arises, I’m in the process of learning how to see that person the way Jesus sees him or her. I can only do this if I know my Father in an intimate way first. When I bring my awkward words and expectations to Him, I find safety, grace, and acceptance. Because I can go deep in a relationship with my Father, I hope to experience an overflow of that same connection with my husband, family, and friends.

Communicating value begins with asking simple questions: “How do you feel valued? How can I better understand your heart in this moment? How can I peer past this tension and respond in love, knowing God adores us the same and wants us to move toward this relational thing?”

Realationships happen on purpose. They take fighting for, seeing past, peering through, and communicating with, especially when life gets messy. Deep connection is created when I honor the purpose of true intimacy by valuing you as much as I value myself.

Real relationships, realationships, resemble the heart of the Father; deep layers of openness, asking, sharing, and mostly listening. I won’t nail them perfectly on the first try or ever, but I sure do get more comfortable the more I dig in.

Was this plan helpful? We adapted it from the book Choosing Real by Bekah Jane Pogue.