Fighting Shadows by Jefferson Bethke and Jon TysonSample

Resisting a Life of Fragmentation

We all know how addicting technology can be. But life can be complicated, and a screen-free life isn’t realistic for most people. Still, we must understand how relationships work. If we don’t nurture the love around us day by day, it will die day by day. Even small amounts of notice and attention can be incredibly powerful for building relationships that overcome the shadow of loneliness.

What can we do? Attention, participation, and place are key. Here are some concrete strategies that can help you overcome today’s fragmenting, relationship-killing influences.

Attention:

• Reduce your phone time. Leave it by the door when you come home. Have a place for it so you can get it when needed, but don’t treat it like an infant that needs to be attended to every time it cries. Stow it after a certain hour and don’t pick it up until the next morning.
• Prioritize presence. Reinvest time you previously spent on your phone into simply being available—whether to friends or family.

Participation:

• Live a better story. Instead of watching fiction, get intentional about planning memorable hangs with friends. Become an expert on your kids. Know the plotlines of your wife’s heart. Take time to “love one another” as God calls us to do (1 John 4:11).
• Create “whimsy” moments, completely spontaneous and fun ways to get in touch with a sense of wonder (taking the family for ice cream, exploring your city, cooking a new dessert).

Place:

• Learn to love where you live. Pay attention to the lives of your neighbors. Most of us will never change the world, but we can help heal our communities. We can be good news on our streets; we can open our doors and invite people in. We can listen to those who ache to be heard. We can contribute in small but tangible ways that reweave the shalom of God—wholeness and reconciliation—into local brokenness. Being present, being aware, being available, being content—this is how we love a place back to life. And when you begin to live in a particular place well, you’ll be surprised at how your friendships grow. They are enriched and made more robust.

As you put these steps into practice, the shadow of loneliness will begin to lift.

Heavenly Father, please help me to live a more wholly present and less fragmented life, beginning today. Amen.