Broken Vows: Healing From Spousal BetrayalSample

Taking Care of You

When a boat begins to sink, sometimes the best thing to do is throw the ship’s cargo out into the sea. This helps remove any unnecessary weight, and gives the boat a chance to stabilize and stay afloat. After the trauma of betrayal, self-care is a lot like the cargo tossed off a boat. It’s one of the first things that gets pushed aside, causing betrayed spouses to neglect themselves and their needs as they try to survive. But no one can stay in survival mode forever. As you begin to pursue healing, you must make room for self-care again, and start taking care of yourself.

Self-care is intended to help you regain or establish behaviors that help you feel safe and calm throughout your healing process. When you feel out of control and overwhelmed, self-care behaviors will help you stay calm and respond to the stress in a way that protects your physical, emotional, and mental health. It will take time and intention to create a self-care plan that works best for you, but here are a few practices to get you started.

• Get consistent quality sleep each night.
• Eat healthy meals on a regular basis.
• Schedule time for exercise throughout the week.
• Speak kindly to and about yourself (through positive self-talk).
• Give yourself grace and compassion (avoid self-judgment).
• Cultivate a healthy community with safe people.
• Join a support group for betrayed spouses.
• Attend a Bible study for spiritual growth.
• Start a gratitude journal.

It’s possible that in the midst of everything you’re going through, the thought of putting energy into self-care might feel overwhelming. You may have children to take care of, a job to go to, and other responsibilities that demand your time and attention. But before you dismiss self-care altogether, just know that this is not an all-or-nothing process. Start by picking one thing from the list above and try it for a few weeks. If you’ve found a safe person to walk through betrayal with you, invite them to participate in your new self-care endeavors. Having support and encouragement will enhance your healing. Self-care might feel a little uncomfortable at first, and it may take extra effort, but you’re worth it!

Thought of the Day: Moving from simply surviving to healing and thriving requires me to take care of myself. I am dearly loved by God and my trusted family and friends. Self-care will be a way that I can love myself too.