Postpartum Depression: Light in the Darknessනියැදිය

Day 2: Bird’s Eye View

I want you to imagine being on a plane- looking out the window at the plane’s highest altitude. If you were looking down at yourself, you would be able to see the timeline and trajectory of your life. Instead of feeling like you are stuck or cemented into this dark unfamiliar fog, you would be able to see when this dark season of your life dissipates- pivoting from deep sorrow to an abundant and thriving season. But sometimes when we don’t have that perspective or view, it feels like we are stuck in a deep hole that we cannot climb out of. At this moment, I chose to trust God. I made a decision to put scripture into practice. I was actually going to activate my faith. You can do the same. Because of the authority that we have in Christ, our state of being and feelings must eventually align with our faith and intention.

I chose not to lean on my own understanding and took a posture of trust. When life feels hopeless, latch on to what you know is true- God’s Word. I knew for a fact that God saw me right where I was. As empty and disconnected to God’s presence as I felt, I latched on to the part of me that trusted God’s provision and promises. Your faith can anchor you even when you are swaying in the dark abyss. You can also think back to times in your life where God carried you, sustained you, fought for you, relentlessly loved you, and had your back more than anyone else. Rest in that knowing. Latch on to that.

This is your faith in action. The dissonance between what I felt and what I knew was striking. I learned during this moment that two convergent states can be true. There can be deep pain and deep trust, grief and joy, suffering and hope, failure and courage. I want you to realize that God is expansive enough to hold space for anything you are wrestling with, including depression. It makes motherhood less lonely knowing that the God who loves you sees all of you- even when you think you’re hiding from everyone.

Prayer: Lord, I’m choosing not to lean on my own understanding during this challenging season of my life. I choose not to beat myself up for feeling down, numb, desperate, and in pain. I choose to instead press into You and acknowledge You in all my ways of thinking and being so that you can show me which path to take according to Your promise to me. Thank you for accepting me as I am and walking hand in hand with me on this journey. Thank You for strengthening me, sustaining me, and upholding me with Your righteous hand in Jesus’ Name. Amen.