Parenting & the Single Mom: By Jennifer MaggioSample

The four C’s of parenting will change your parenting style.

No, no, no. Not color, cut, clarity, and carat. We aren’t talking about literal diamonds here. However, our children are rare diamonds given to us by the Lord, and He expects we mold and shape them well. I know. I know. It is easier said than done. It’s easier to read about molding and shaping those precious diamonds than actually doing it! However, the four C’s of parenting can help in any parenting season:

Step 4 to parenting as a single mom: Use the four C’s of parenting - Communication, Consistency, Clarity, and Christianity.

• Communication – From the time children are formed in the womb, communication is vital to a healthy parental relationship. Babies need to hear their mom’s voice in the womb. Toddlers love the sound of a soothing bedtime song. And believe it or not, teens do care what you think! Parenting well means keeping the door for communication open through each season with age-appropriate discussion. Too often, we swing the pendulum to an extreme – either over-communicating with our children or failing to communicate at all. However, our children desire to hear from us, including our wisdom on a matter and insight on a situation the family may be facing. Keep the doors of communication wide open through each parenting season.
• Consistency – Children of all ages need stability, boundaries, and predictability. It helps them feel safe. They need to know that mom is steadfast in her decisions, not easily blown by the winds of emotion or a bad day. They need to know that the home will be a safe, calm place where they can consistently seek refuge from the weight of the world. Be consistent with your words and actions. Be consistent in offering affirmation and life-giving encouragement. Be consistent with discipline and expectations. Be consistent and steady in your responses, exhibiting the character of God. While consistency can be particularly challenging in co-parenting relationships, especially when one parent isn’t on the same page as the other, control what you can, taking care to be consistent in your home.
• Clarity – Be clear on your expectations. Be clear with your instructions. Be clear on how these things parallel God’s word. Providing clarity on why a rule in your home is not a weakness. It’s a strength. It illustrates to your children that you are confidently seeking the instruction of the Lord and establishing boundaries accordingly. Often, providing clarity surrounding a family rule or expectation can help older children learn critical thinking skills. It may be helpful to have a family conversation and ask, “Why do you think this rule is important to our family?” Clarity can provide a baseline life skill that assists your children in developing their own boundaries and communication skills in the future.
• Christianity – The best thing you can ever do for your child is to grow in your relationship with the Lord. Exhibit what a Christian is within your home behind closed doors. The strength you find from Christ will be the catalyst for every parenting decision you make. It will be the courage you need to stand firm with a mouthy teen. It will be the refreshing you need when the days are long and hard. It will be the peace you need during the chaos. When mom is reading the Bible regularly, praying before mealtimes, attending church regularly, and being cautious of what she says and does, children often emulate that behavior. Now, while some may go astray for a season, often, they find their way back to the God of their youth.

Points to Ponder:

• How do you feel the lines of communication currently flow with your child? Do bad days affect your parenting? How can you avoid “moody parenting”? When do you have time with the Lord? Why is it important to do so?