Get the appWhen You've Been Hurt by the Church Sample
Respond with honor
"A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends." Proverbs 16:28
One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with a church hurt is fighting the urge to not "shout it from the rooftops." Years ago, I went to a church that left a member so angry she sent a lengthy email to the entire church letting them know how she felt about the pastor. It didn't end well. She embarrassed the pastor, but she also sowed a significant seed of discord amongst the entire church. Some were furious with her, and others could no longer face the pastor. What was an issue amongst a few became a scandal involving the whole church!
Our natural tendency is to want justice. We want people to pay for hurting us. We may mask our gossip by trying to protect other people in the church or wanting to ensure those involved come to repentance. Yet, the true motivation for sharing is to get others to rally behind us or discredit the church altogether. This is not to say we should not bring to light egregious sin, especially where minors are involved. It is to say we must approach how we share and who we share it with very carefully. If we don't, we will find ourselves just as guilty of inflicting pain on the Body of Christ.
When we face pain, we must still operate in honor. To honor means to hold someone in high esteem. Romans 12:10 says it like this,
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
The enemy will provide ample opportunities to stir up confusion within the church. Let us rise above this trap from the enemy. It would be better to be quiet when asked "why you left the church" or "what happened" than to spread gossip. We choose not to smudge the other person's name when we walk in honor, no matter how complex the issue is. Indeed, if the offenses committed are extreme enough, there will be ample opportunities for the truth to come out. Don't allow bitterness or your quest for revenge to rob you of good character. You operated in love, honor, and integrity, even if others haven't.
*If a church member has physically or sexually abused you, this should not be kept silent. Share with a trusted confidant and make plans to alert members of the law as soon as possible. Those who cause physical harm should be held accountable, and there should be no shame attached to sharing your story as the Lord leads. *
Deeper Discussion-
- Why do you think honor matters so much to the Lord?
- Read Proverbs 16:28, Proverbs 20:19, James 1:26. Considering these verses, how does gossip hurt the church and affect how people view you?
- Do you need to repent from gossiping or sowing discord within the local church?
About this Plan
The church should be a place where people can encounter God's love, find community, and become equipped to share the Gospel. Yet, many have entered the church to find healing but leave more broken than before. Church hurt can be devastating but should never cause us to walk away from Christ. In this plan, you will become equipped with action steps to heal from the pain of church hurt.
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