The Men We Need by Brant HansenSample

What You Do (and Say) Matters

You have a tremendous effect on those around you. If you think, But that’s not me—I’m not usually a leader, please know that you absolutely will have this influence if you have a family.

Your family will take their cues from you. If you are consistently gentle and respectful with your wife, your family will tend toward gentleness and respect with each other. If you are passive or disengaged, a measure of chaos will fill your home. Human nature will take over, as sure as weeds choking out the garden you’re supposed to keep.

You can watch how this plays out in sports. Almost instantly, a new coach can radically impact a team’s performance, and not just from an X’s-and-O’s standpoint. The entire ethos can quickly change from ragged and fractious to streamlined, peaceful, and effective simply because of the demeanor of the team’s leadership and what that leadership clearly values.

This is the effect you can have on your home. If you’re at peace, if you’re growing as a believer, if you’re active, present, and engaged with your family, your home atmosphere will be peaceful.

This applies to all spheres of your life—your job; your friends; your chess club; your new band, Mouth of Gravel . . . you name it.

Even if you’re a young man still living with your original family, start protecting the vulnerable people in your home. Your mother is vulnerable even if she’s highly accomplished, confident, and strong. Same with your dad. They’re not as strong as you think. People rarely are. You have weapons to hurt them, even if you’ve got only words.

Take care to show mercy. Practice it now. There’s no reason to wait. To the extent that you can, demonstrate kindness toward your parents and your (possibly annoying) siblings. Not only is it the right thing to do, and not only will it start shaping you into a man who takes responsibility, but it will also probably kind of freak people out. So it’s a win-win-win.

God wants to see the whole world become more like Eden, where peace rules. It’s the kind of peace that lets little things grow and flourish and blossom.

Make that the plan for your home, both now and in the future.

In what ways does our culture influence men to betray our role as protectors and keepers of the garden?