Handling GriefSample

It Is Okay To Have Questions

You may also have several questions about death and dying. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable, sad, or angry when someone dies, and it’s okay to ask questions.

Martha and Mary are grieving. Their brother Lazarus was dead and they had buried him four days ago. They had sent a message to Jesus to tell him of his illness. They had hoped that He would have rushed to their assistance. Surely he could have done something. But days passed and Jesus had not come and now Lazarus was dead and buried. And they and their friends were mourning. 

So when Jesus came to visit them after Lazarus died, Martha says to Jesus, “If you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 

Martha expresses anger about her brother’s death. Many people are like Martha—they become angry when someone close to them dies. And it’s interesting that Jesus is not frustrated with Martha for being angry. Jesus understands that it is natural for us to feel angry when someone we love dies. God understands how we feel.

Have you had any ‘if’ questions or ‘why’ questions for God like “Lord, if you had been here, my mother would not have gotten so sick. The accident would not have occurred if... Why did my loved one die? Why did my husband die? Why my wife? Why did tragedy strike us? If I had admitted my husband earlier to the hospital would it have saved him? If I had taken better care for her, would she still be alive? Why did God not answer my prayers? Where was God in all of this? Why didn’t God show up?”

Ask the why questions. Even if they are things you know intellectually make no sense. Even if you get medical reasons or other information that explains the death, the answers will still not be satisfactory.

Mary reacted differently from Martha. Mary cries and weeps a lot. She may have been angry, too, but Mary is mostly sad. The Bible says that Mary came to Jesus, fell at his feet, and wept uncontrollably. She did not hold back her tears. And notice that Jesus didn’t tell her to stop crying. Jesus understands our sadness. It is natural and normal for us to be sad when someone we love dies.

Death can cause us to feel many different emotions. People react differently to death. Through his reactions to his grieving friends, Jesus says, “That’s okay. Everyone responds differently.” Jesus does not condemn Martha’s anger or Mary’s sadness. What Jesus wants us to know is that he is always with us, comforting and assuring us whenever we are grieving.

So, go ahead. Spend time alone asking God your questions. He understands. When you realize you’re never going to find a satisfying “why,” allow your “why” to shift to how. How am I going to move forward after this loss?

You will be surprised to know that you are not alone in your doubts and that you’re set free to express your true feelings to God. You will be comforted to know that Jesus’ heart is breaking with yours. And when you discover how to experience His most intimate care, you will know why your suffering means that your greatest impact and influence for God is in front of you. 

Quote: Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time. – Oswald Chambers

Prayer: Lord I thank you that you are not frustrated when I pour out my questions to you. Help me to find rest in you, knowing that even though I may not get all the answers, you are stlll in control. Amen