Rules for the RoadSample

Day 3: Choose a Destination and Borrow a Map

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, thank you that you don’t leave me to figure out life on my own. Keep me focused on the direction you have for my life.

Reading:

Rule number three is: Choose a destination and borrow a map.

This is a two-part rule. Let’s start with choosing a destination. Everybody ends up somewhere, whether they have life goals or no goals at all. The win is to end up somewhere on purpose. On a long road trip, there are multiple stops along the way. Similarly, there are multiple seasons in life, and in each season of life you have to determine your destination.

We’ve all experienced this before. We finished elementary school, and our parents said our destination is middle school. And after we completed it, there was high school and then maybe college. We grow up with a template that directs us to what’s next. But once we get out into the work world, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that there are still seasons of life, and we need to know where we’re headed in each one. Here's why: Nobody wants to drift. And if we don't choose what we want this season to look like or what we want to look like at the end of the season, the days decide for us. The days keep going by. Another day in the rearview mirror—and we can’t go in reverse. 

Why wouldn't we simply decide on the destination we want to pursue? Life is connected. This season leads to the next. If you don't set the correct destination for this season, you won't be prepared for the next one. Wishing won't get you there.

The principle of the path says that direction, not intention, determines our destination. This is true when you're driving and when you’re living. If you’re in Georgia, you can drive north with the intention of going to Key West, but you will never get to Key West. It doesn’t matter what your intentions are. It doesn’t matter how much you pray or trust God to take you to Key West—you’ll eventually end up in Canada.  

In every season, we need to choose what the destination is, not for our entire lives, but for this season. You only get to do your 20s one time. You only get to do your 30s one time. You only get to do your 40s one time. You only get a first marriage one time. You only get to raise your son or daughter one time. And because the seasons are connected, having a clear destination in one season will prepare us for the next one.

Pursuing our destination will require discipline. We have to be disciplined enough in this season to prepare ourselves for the next one. And in each season, we have to pre-decide what’s most important—when you’re in school, when you’ve started a new job, when you’re beginning a new relationship, when you’re beginning a new marriage, when you’re raising your kids, or when you’re a new empty-nester. Decide what’s most important in each season, and prioritize it. That may require having to say “no for now, but not no forever” to some other things, even other good things. But that’s what we do when we’ve chosen a destination, and we’re pursuing it.

The second part of this rule for the road of life is to borrow a map. Consider this: Somebody has already been to where you're hoping to arrive. They've been there. They've done that. Maybe they've done it poorly, or maybe they've done it well. But somebody has traveled this road before, and they have something you don’t currently have—perspective. They can see in their rearview mirror the destination you are still pursuing.

When we transition into a new season of life, we don't know what we're doing. But then how could we? We’ve never done it before. That’s why you need to find somebody and borrow their map.

Maybe your kids are now adults and you’re thinking, I thought parenting ended when the kids left home. The reality is that you’re in a new season of parenting adult children, and you’ve never been here before. You can circle up with some others in the same season and read a book together written by someone who has traveled the road you are navigating. 

Maybe you know someone who’s been down the road you’re on. They’ve accomplished what you hope to accomplish—professionally, academically, or within their marriage or family. If you want to learn from them, don’t ask them to mentor you. Instead, send them three questions, and let them know you’d like to learn from their experiences. Ask if you can meet them for coffee or buy them dinner to hear their answers to these three questions. What you’re doing is asking for their map. You’re saying “tell me what you know.” And there’s something interesting about people who are a season or two ahead of you in life: They often don’t know how much they know until someone asks.

You may be familiar with the Vernon Law which says experience is a hard teacher because it gives the test first and the lesson afterward. The only way to avoid this is to get ahead by listening to other people who’ve learned their lessons. Then, when the test comes, you will have the benefit of someone else’s lessons. But this requires us to acknowledge that there are things we don’t know and invite someone else into our lives. For some of us, inviting somebody else into a space where we aren't exactly sure can feel like weakness. Asking for help is not weakness; it's maturity. It's a sign of wisdom. The author of Proverbs puts it this way:

Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.

– Proverbs 19:20 

 It can be hard to take advice from other people. Our pride can get in the way. We’re all guilty of that. There are times we all have to accept the fact that we’re wrong. When we don’t, it’s as if we’re saying: My goal in life is to never learn anything new. Nobody wants to end up there, so the author of Proverbs tells us to listen to advice and accept discipline so we’ll be counted among the wise. You’ll be wise in this season and prepare in such a way that you're ready for the next season. You'll be wise for the rest of your days because of this habit—being open to the wisdom of others. Borrow their map. You’ll get to your destination faster and with less regret.

Reflection:

Do you have a clear picture of where you are headed in this season? What’s most critical for you? What opportunities might you need to say “no for now, but not no forever” to? Whose map can you borrow? What steps will you take to listen to their advice?