How to Listen So Your Kids Will TalkSample

 Watch Your Nonverbal Signals

I have heard that you can build a child’s ability to experience joy by looking excited to see him. Apparently, a chemical reaction happens in your brain when someone’s eyes light up to see you. Profound, right? The truth is, for your child to feel loved, your expressions need to tell him you’re excited to be with him. Your nonverbals have to demonstrate love as well as your words. This is also a biblical concept. 

Remember the story Jesus told of the father who had two sons? One was a rule follower and the other a classic rebel. After the rebel left home, spent his inheritance, shamed the family name, and messed up his life royally, he decided to head home (Luke 15:11–24). Most fathers would respond by standing back with their arms crossed and then announce with a frown, “My house. My rules.” But this father scanned the horizon, looking for his son. And as soon as he saw him in the distance, he gathered his robe and ran toward his son. He hugged and kissed him and welcomed him home (Luke 15:20). The father’s actions spoke louder than any words. 

As parents we have incredible power to send signals to our kids without using words. Our nonverbal signals include things like approving or disapproving eye contact, harsh or gentle tone and touch, a smile or a frown, and arms crossed or arms open. It’s lot to consider, isn’t it? Since you want your child to feel unconditionally loved and accepted, put some work into those nonverbal skills. 

Pause and Reflect: When your child wakes each morning, or comes home from school, do your eyes and face reflect that you are happy to see her?

Action Step: Make it your practice to smile often, and welcome your child with open arms today.

Pray: Lord Jesus, I praise you that you told the story of our Father in heaven who is always happy to see me. I pray today that you would help me to be careful with and attentive to the nonverbal signals I send to my children. Help them to see my love for them displayed in my facial expressions. May I be a reflection of your love today.

“A happy heart makes the face cheerful.”—Proverbs 15:13 (niv)