What To Do When Envy Steals Your JoySample

Fight Envy with Transparency

A new family joined our church a few years ago, and the young mom of the family became instantly acquainted with all of us. She is one of those people who just breathes glorious relational skill. She cares, she laughs, she knows, she understands. The other women in the church fight to get close to her, and to let it drop that they were over at this women’s house on Friday. Something about her just makes the rest of us want to share news about her when she’s not there, to wonder what she’s doing or where she’s going. She is a people magnet.

I am not a people magnet.

I have at times fancied myself a sort of demi-magnet, one that is fickle and occasionally flips over to repel instead of to attract, one that is selfish and introverted one moment and then demanding of attention the next. Well…after I found myself making snide jokes to my husband about this woman via text, I had to come to the conclusion that I was dealing with a fresh case of envy.

I called the woman, asked for a coffee date, and sat her down to tell her what was going on. I knew that it was possible she’d noticed my aloof attitude—or not. But either way, as we were stuck in the same community, I was going to have to deal with my heart problem towards her.

Confession of sin—to God and to this friend—was the only way forward.

She instantly, graciously forgave. I left the meeting just marveling at how quickly confession can take the teeth out of envy.

But this is why God asks us to confess our sins. First we must confess our envy to God himself. He sees our hearts, and the Psalmist says that when we try to hide our sin, we are the only ones who suffer for it. Our bones waste away. God’s hand feels heavy on us. To confess is to experience the freedom of forgiveness.

But God has also provided a system by which we can experience freedom within a community.

James 5:16 commands us to do something terrifying and unnatural: “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

Well. That’s a tall order.

Imagine having to sit down with the object of your envy and lay cards on the table. “I need to confess something to you. I’ve been resenting your success. I’ve been envious, and it’s made me pull away from you and occasionally gossip about you. I understand if this is hard to hear, but I’m working hard to fight the sin of envy in my life, and I need your prayers and your compassion.”

This is a hard pill to even think about swallowing. But confession just may be necessary if you want to do earnest battle with an ongoing case of envy.

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If you enjoyed these devotions adapted from Seeing Green: Don’t Let Envy Color Your Joy by Tilly Dillehay, and you would like to learn more about the different types of envy, when to confess it to others, and when to deal with it in other ways, find book information here: https://amzn.to/2LaBjwo  

If you're curious about the types of envy with which you struggle, take the 7 SHADES OF ENVY quiz to determine which shade of green you are here → SeeingGreenBook.com.