Born Free: 16 Principles to Help You Be FreeMostră

Principle 2: People Are What They Want to Be

A second power principle is this: People are what they have decided to be. “As he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). “Do you want to be made well?” (John 5:6). People often choose destructive patterns of behavior simply because the “payback” or reward for that behavior is greater than the pain it causes. When the pain becomes greater than the payback, creative change starts to take place. One time, my friend and mentor Fred Smith asked me, “Do you know what bothers me about you?” I allowed that I didn’t. He said, “Your problem is that you carry around a portable foxhole—with all this talk about not wanting to be a pastor. That way, if you fail, you can say that you didn’t want to do it in the first place.” I thought about it and decided he was right. Not only that, I discovered that I had followed that pattern in many areas of my life.

I’m not giving you the nonsense that you can become whatever you think you can become, simply by using your imagination. What I am saying is this: Most Christians are not free because they have decided not to be free. Most Christians allow others to control their lives because they want others to control their lives. Most Christians feel guilty all the time because they have decided to feel guilty all the time.

Let me ask you some questions: Where do you get your emotional payback for destructive behavior? Where are you failing in your life right now because you think you deserve failure? Where are you allowing others to control you because it is easier to be irresponsible? Why do you put people on a pedestal? Why do you find it hard to say no? When the pain is greater than the payback, change takes place.