Guiding Your Adult ChildrenSample

FAILURE TO LAUNCH

Birds teach their young to fly by shoving them out of the nest. We humans have better ways of launching our kids into the adult world. Or do we?
When department store founder J.C. Penney was eight years old, his father told him that, as of that moment, he’d have to support himself. Except for food and shelter, he’d have to earn life’s necessities for himself. When young J.C. Penney asked for a new pair of shoes to get started, his dad answered, “You’re on your own.” That was the 1880s.

Fast forward to our present day, and many parents face a different problem. Junior is 27. He’s earned a college degree and been in and out of a few jobs already. Now he’s back with mom and dad, sleeping till noon, and hanging out with friends the rest of the day. But don’t worry – he’s committed to moving out as soon as he “gets his head together.”

Is there a happy medium somewhere between these two extremes? I think so. It lies in the concept of “age-appropriate responsibility.” Simply explained, parents should expect their kids to be responsible for themselves at a level appropriate for their age and ability. An 8-year-old can vacuum. A 16-year-old can get a part-time job. And as for that unmotivated 27-year-old – well, let’s just say he’s capable of doing a lot more than playing video games in the basement all day.

As someone once said, “God won’t do for you what you can do for yourself.” There’s an element of truth to that idea. Don’t do for your children what they can do for themselves. The first step is recognizing your child’s capabilities. The second is expecting them to do it. It’s foundational to the way God parents us, so we can trust it’s the best way to help our kids successfully launch into adulthood.