Free Of Me: Why Life Is Better When It’s Not All About YouSample

The Mirror Reflex

It’s hard not to look in a mirror, isn’t it? If you walk by a mirror you are going to take a look. We all do it. 

This reflex is also true in relationships. We’re constantly looking to others as a reflection of us. When we do this, we allow other people, our possessions, and our profession to shape our self-image. When the reflection is good, we feel great. When the reflection is bad, we feel insecure. 

The mirror reflex causes us to make everything about us, even when it’s not. Maybe a friend doesn’t say hi to you at work, so you assume she’s upset with you. Maybe the cashier at the store is impolite, and you take it personally. Maybe you volunteer to serve at church and feel hurt when nobody thanks you.

When you treat people like mirrors, you create a world that is all about you. Take social media. Studies show that Facebook directly impacts personal satisfaction, because users interpret the “likes” and comments as a measure of their worth. It’s easy to compare: Why don’t people like my photos as much? Are my kids not as cute? Do people care about me less? 

But it doesn’t stop there. Consider marriage and relationships. Have you ever pressured your spouse into doing something, or acting a certain way, because of how it reflected on you? Has an unhealthy dating relationship shaped the way you see yourself? How about friendships? When a friend didn’t call you back or didn’t respond to an email, did your imagination run wild with questions like, “What did I do wrong?” Maybe she was simply busy, but you immediately jumped to conclusions about yourself. That’s because all of our relationships can function as mirrors.

When I realized that I had made my relationships and ministry all about me, I saw that my confidence was bound up in their successes or failures. A successful writing ministry meant I had value. Successful friendships meant I was lovable. But the reverse was also true, which left me devastated and insecure. 

This is the natural course of all idolatry. Whenever we put anything before God, it’s only a matter of time before it turns on us. 

What is something in your life that you are insecure about? Where do you think that insecurity comes from? In what ways does it make you focus on yourself?