Healthy Practices Of Ministry CouplesSample

Minimize the Options
By Chuck & Tamera Ford of Relate Church

When I (Tamera) was a kid, my favorite ice cream store offered 31 flavors. The idea that I had 31 options to choose from made me a very happy little girl. Mint Chocolate Chip, Mocha Almond Fudge the list goes on and on. Options are good right? It has been proven that too many options hinders our ability to make good decisions. Put Orange Sherbet on top of Butter Pecan and tell me how you like it. Just because it’s an option doesn’t make it good. A few great options can make decision making easy and enjoyable. Throw a bad one in the bunch and the results might not be as sweet.

In marriage, what we allow as options can make a great difference. We decided from the start that we would only have a few options when it came to our marriage. And divorce would not be one of them. That’s a big statement for a couple of wide-eyed, inexperienced, young loves. Another decision we made was never to manipulate each other with the Word of God. Proverbs 18:21 tells us, “the power of the tongue is life and death—those who love to talk will eat what it produces.” We didn’t want to produce divorce, so we had to make sure it never rolled off our tongues.

During the 20 years Tamera and I (Chuck) have been married, we have most definitely experienced anger, hurt and disappointment. But, because divorce is not an option for us, we have had to seek God and get help to fix the hurt.

While sexual immorality allows for divorce, Jesus did not say it was the only option. When divorce becomes an option it's an indication that hearts have become hard. God is masterful at taking out a stony heart and replacing it with a tender, responsive one (Ezekiel 36:26). It will take humility and trust. But rest assured, He is trustworthy.

1. Has the option of divorce been used as manipulation in your marriage?

2. Can you make the decision to remove divorce as an option and choose to find help through the word of God and wise counsel?