Day 1: Why Does My Man Watch Porn?

A 2024 Barna Group survey found that 78% of practicing Christian men watch porn.

What’s going on? Why are so many practicing Christian men watching porn?

Most men were first exposed to porn as boys. Over time, their brains learned to use porn as a coping mechanism, linking it to stress relief, comfort, or escape from emotional pain.

Many men don’t fully understand how their use of porn has shaped them, let alone how deeply it affects their spouse. Even in a loving marriage, porn can still hold power over a man.

It’s not so much about sex or attraction, as much as it’s about how he has learned to medicate the pain and discomforts of life. And in the process, he has unknowingly allowed his brain to be rewired in a way that locks him into bondage.

This reality does not excuse his sin or minimize your pain, but understanding the roots of his addiction can help explain why he keeps going back to porn – even if he desperately wants to quit.

In chapter four of Ephesians, Paul addresses the sexual sin that many in the church were struggling with and he reminds them: “But that is not the way you learned Christ” (Eph. 4:20).

In the passage that follows, Paul calls them to live their new identity in Christ by growing in key areas of their life. These growth areas just happen to address the roots of a modern-day porn or sex addiction.

• Be renewed in the spirit of your mind (v.23). → Heal an addicted brain
• Put on the new self (v.24). → Overcome shame
• Put on… holiness (v.24). → Resist a sexualized society
• You are members of one another (v.25). → Leave isolation
• Replace lies with truth (v.21, 25). → Heal from trauma
• Process anger and emotions (v.26). → Process negative emotions

As a betrayed spouse, understanding the "why" behind his struggle is an important first step toward finding clarity, setting boundaries, and healing your own heart. Know that his porn struggle is not your fault and likely started before you two ever met.

It’s worth repeating:

Understanding the reasons why doesn’t excuse the sin of a porn habit/addiction. But it does help explain how an otherwise Godly person can keep going back to something that brings so much pain to everyone involved.

Reflection Questions

1. How does understanding the addictive nature of porn and its roots help shift your perspective on your man’s struggle?
2. What emotions does this bring up for you, and how can you take them to God in prayer?