Listening in Your MarriageSample

Day 1: Why Does Listening Well Matter?

If loving each other is as important and significant to God as Jesus says in Matthew 22:37-39, the question that comes to mind is what are ways to love each other well? Especially your spouse? One of the ways Jesus loves us and invites us to love is through listening. The practice of listening well is loving, honoring, and healing in marriage.

What if listening is not merely the act of hearing the words spoken by your spouse? What if listening is the practice of understanding the meaning behind the words? Listening is being attuned (aware of and attentive or responsive) to a person’s heart and experience – joining them in their story, weeping as they weep, sharing their joy, and everything in between. Listening is one of the most remarkable skills one can ever practice; it helps to create an environment in which another person feels heard, understood, known, cared for...loved. And when practiced in marriage, listening cultivates a safe and sacred space for deepening intimacy.

We each have a story to be told that is worthy of good, wise, and kind engagement. Your story matters, and is worthy of being heard, held, and engaged well, with kindness and attunement.

Attunement is about understanding another’s inner emotional world. The window into another’s emotional world is their non-verbal communication–that is, their facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language.

Sharing our stories with someone who listens with compassion and empathy contributes to redeeming painful, fragmented experiences and developing new, healthy, and whole stories – regardless of what a person has experienced. When we tell our stories, including the fullness of brokenness and blessing, pain and joy – to a caring person, it leads to a kind and empathic understanding of others AND ourselves, interrupting entrenched, unhealthy, harmful patterns. How kind of God to bring healing and integration to his beloved this way!

Perhaps there’s more to your spouse’s story than you know. As you move with God in your own story, there are opportunities to understand your story more deeply, more rightly. There’s always more in your spouse’s story, as well as in your story together, to explore. How beautiful (and sometimes challenging) to hold space for your spouse’s story in the context of your marriage.

As you listen, you have the opportunity to offer a safe and welcoming space for your spouse when they are struggling, stuck, hurting, and are courageous enough to share their heart and story. You get to come alongside, listen well, and invite Jesus to meet you and your spouse in this time and in this space. This is a sacred space with your spouse. Holy ground.

This is the invitation of listening: you have the opportunity to partner with our Trinity God: Abba Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit for the heart of your spouse – to offer care and compassion in ways that may bring integration and healing!

God’s loving presence within us — in and through our presence — is one of the ways the Kingdom comes here on earth, in your marriage, and in all relationships. This is the place where Love rises in you, through you, and through your marriage. May it be so!

As you ponder all this with God today, consider asking Him:

Father, how have I experienced this to be true for me? How have I experienced being listened to and attuned to? How am I meant to love and be loved through listening well and showing honor and care for my spouse?

Jesus, how might it feel if my story is held and engaged well by my spouse? Please give me a glimpse of this; please guide us in this practice.

Holy Spirit, how are you with and in my every breath, every thought and hope and care? How are you aware and attuned to my heart and my story?