True, Kind, Necessary, and Clear

We all have communication strengths, but we also may have underlying issues that make speaking our minds as effectively as we would want difficult. If you are like me, you may tend to say, or want to say, things that shouldn’t be said or should be said more wisely. There are four critical questions for effective communication that you can use to unleash your communication strengths and silence your communication weaknesses.

Three standards that are commonly considered as rules of communication are, “Is it true, kind, and necessary?” These three qualifiers pulsate throughout the Bible (see Ephesians 4:15 and Ecclesiastes 3:7). We should intuitively know that we ought to speak the truth in love at the appropriate time. This foundational aspect of interpersonal communication rings true for all of us. To be a good communicator, I know that I need to be confident and that when I speak my mind, the words I say should be true, kind, and necessary. It’s a beautiful thing to learn how to communicate in a way that touches others’ hearts and allows them to know ours as well.

There is a fourth question that I would add to these rules of communication: “Is it clear?” There have been many times when I knew what I said was true, kind, and necessary, but I later found out that I had been unclear in how I had communicated it. Can you relate?

Using these rules of communication, it may seem that they apply to choosing when not to speak your mind. But eventually, many uncomfortable but necessary conversations need to be had. Good communication is not only about holding back; it is about having the clarity and confidence to speak up more often, even though it may be uncomfortable. How do you skillfully, honestly, and lovingly speak your mind when you have a truth to share with another—a truth that will be tough to hear?

As we look closely at these four concepts, we will answer the following questions:

• Is what I’m about to say the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
• Is it loving and respectful?
• Do I know if it should be said now instead of later, or not at all?
• Will what I say be clear to me and to the other person?

When the answer to all four is yes, let’s speak our minds! Remember, mastering the art of communication isn’t just about speaking less but rather about communicating with confidence, purpose, and effectiveness. Knowing where your strengths and weaknesses lie regarding these four concepts will help you improve your communication skills. You may be stronger in one area, such as speaking the truth, but weaker in another, such as knowing if that truth is necessary to share. Assessing your skills accurately is foundational to learning to speak your mind effectively.

These four questions have stood the test of time as a proven framework for communication. When you apply these four pillars of effective communication, you will be able to change your world one conversation at a time. What joy it is to learn how to winsomely affect the hearts and minds of others! Are you in?

Respond

What do you see as your communication strengths? What are your weaknesses?

How might pausing to consider the four questions for effective communication change the conversations your have day to day? How can scripture help you evaluate the effectiveness of your communication?

What are your goals when communicating with others? How might healthy goals in conversations with others impact your and their lives?

Prayer

Thank You, Lord, for the wisdom that Your Word provides. Help me to see myself honestly through Your eyes as I evaluate how I can communicate more effectively. May I have the insight and patience to consider how my words, actions, and tone affect others as I seek to know and understand them better. Thank You, Lord, that You can use me to share truth, kindness, knowledge, and support for others as I also learn about myself. Amen.